Chapter 16 John Lancaster is an old coot!

When camping, when you go to sleep, sometimes when you wake up you are surrounded by all sorts of new neighbors who were not there last night.

CHAPTER 16

John Lancaster is an old coot!

Agent Ronald Hooks home

Washington DC

Sunday January 22, 2012

4:30 am

When the door bell rang, FBI Agent Ronald Hooks had just gotten up to go to the bathroom.  Even though it was Sunday morning, a day when most people tried to get a few more minutes of sleep, for Agent Hooks bladder, it made no difference what day it was.

  “Hey Buddy, remember me?” Asked his bladder to his brain. 

 “Who would want to see us at this time of day?  It’s Oh Dark Thirty on a Sunday for God’s sake!”  Thought Hooks, flashing back to his days in the Marine Corps.

Throwing on his robe, he stumbled out his bedroom door and immediately stepped on some very sharped edged Legos. Agent Hooks son, Denzel had left them as a “Booby Trap” in case any bad guys tried to break in to their home in the middle of the night.  Stepping on Leggos bare foot is like stepping onto broken glass and hot burning coals combined.  Several years ago Ronald Hook’s grand mother told him, “I hope you have at least one son and he is just like you.”  Well, her prophecy came true.  When Ronald Hooks was five years old he had done the very same thing and his old man had stepped on those lethal pieces of plastic in the middle of the night just as he had just done.

“Ah, Fuck!” Thought Agent Hooks as he felt the pain of the first sharp piece of plastic rip into the bottom of his right foot and immediately brought down his left foot and stepped onto another Lego.  As He stumbled around in the dark trying to get his balance he found another booby trap his son had placed in his path.   Under normal room light, the bean bag would pose no problem but when you are stumbling around in the dark,  on feet that feels like you are walking around on hot coals, the innocent looking bean bag chair can trip you up really good.  Down went Agent Hooks with a loud thud.

 “Officer down!” He thought laughing to him self.

The door bell was still ringing as he lay there contemplating what punishment he would hand out to his son.

“I coming I’m coming!”  He thought to himself and then he heard his wife calling his name. 

“Ronnie?  Are you okay?”

“Its okay, Baby.  Denzel just set up another booby trap for the bad guys.”

“Well you be careful.”

“Too late for that.”

Getting up off the floor, he picked his way along the hall way searching for any more “Booby Traps” his son may have left in his path. 

At the front door he turned on the porch light and looked through the side window at the three middle aged white men standing in front of his door.

“Now what do they want?”  He thought to himself.

Cautiously he opened the door.

“Can I help you?

“Are you FBI Agent Ronald Hooks?”  Asked the large blond haired man closest to the front door.

“How do you know I am an FBI Agent, my wife doesn’t even know I am an FBI Agent.”

“My name is Mark Koebrich and this is Gregg Moss and Sidney Walzenheimer.  Gregg and I are both news anchors for a television station in Denver, Colorado and Mister Walzenheimer is a Conspiracy blogger from Denver.  We think we can help with your investigation of Ivan Ivanovitch.”

“What?  How in the world would you know I am investigating Ivanovitch?”

“Sidney figured it out.  May we come in?   Standing on your front porch may start to attract the attention of your noisy neighbor, Mister John Lancaster; after all he already thinks you are a communist spy.”

“That old coot thinks I am a spy?  How would you know that?  Oh wait, let me guess, Sidney told you.  Sure come on in; just try to hold down the noise, the family is still asleep.”

Leading the three white men into the kitchen, Agent Hooks turned on a light to get a better look at his guests.  The two men in suits did look like they worked on television but the short fat man who resembled a toad with his greasy hair, fat belly and bulging eyes.  

After they had all sat down around the kitchen table Agent Hooks offered his guests some coffee and they accepted and while he poured water into the coffee maker they started telling him about Sidney getting kidnapped at the Al Gore event at University of Denver and the two television Newsmen rescuing the blogger from almost certain death.  They also mentioned that Sidney’s mother house had been torched with Sidney’s mother inside, killing her. 

“Let me get this straight, you say Al Gore, the AL GORE, the former Vice President, had your friend here kidnapped and then tortured him and then killed his mother?”

“Hard to believe but I assure you it is true.” Said Sidney Walzenheimer.

“But why would they want to torture you?”

“They wanted to know what I knew about an electronics company in the Denver area called Lone Tree A V Inc.  I was confused at the time because I knew nothing of that company.  But after Mark and Gregg came in guns a blazing and saved my butt, I was able to do some research and found that Al Gore and another man are silent partners in the firm.”

“But Al Gore is probably a silent partner in lots of other companies, why would this one be important enough to kill you and your mother to keep you quiet?’

“Because that company is going to get the contract for the “No Bear Left Behind.”

“What is this “No Bear Left Behind?”

“It is a One Hundred Million Dollar federal program but is actually a Scam! Certain people are saying that the American Black Bear is on the verge of extinction and this new federal program will insure that the bears do not die off.  At the same time, it will make lots of money for those same people off the American Tax payer.”

The coffee was done and Agent Hooks poured each of them a cup of coffee.  After handing the mugs to the other men, he leaded back against the counter and took a sip of the steaming hot brew.  As he held the cup to his mouth he looked over the rim of the cup at the three white men and suddenly a whole world full of questions came upon him. 

“Who were these two television guys?  Guns a blazing was what Sidney Walzenheimer and described, television news guys don’t go around with “Guns A blazing.” Thought Agent Hooks.

“You say you know something about Ivan Ivanovitch? We have a hunch he may be a Russian Spy but have not been able to pin anything on him yet.”

“Not only is Mister Ivanovitch a Russian Spy but his girlfriend, Monica Sanchez is really an Iranian Spy and her real name is Dorri Raad.”

“Ronnie, what is going on?  Are you going to come back to bed?”

“That’s my wife, she has no clue I work for the FBI.”

“I know, she thinks you still work in the mail room at the State Department.  You really ought to give your self a better paying job, Agent Hooks, mail room clerks can not afford to live like you do.”  Said Sidney Walzenheimer.