Wet Willies

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Father Son Hunting Trip A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field." A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. "What’s wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet." The son answered" "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck." "But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, should we eat them here or take them with us?" "I guess I just panicked"."

 

Q: Why does it take more than one squirrel 

to screw in a light bulb? 

A: Because they're so darn stupid!

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  There were four county churches in a small Arkansas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’'t interfere with God’s divine will.
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a large plywood cover on the baptistery and flood it. 

The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. 

So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. 

Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But — the Methodist Church came up with the best and most effective solution. 

They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.