Beer...

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"French President Francois Hollande 

will host two dinners tomorrow night, 

the first one for President Obama, 

followed by one for Vladimir Putin. 

Hollande was pretty worried about

 keeping them separate. Then his girlfriend 

and his mistress said, 'You'll figure it out.'" 

–Jimmy Fallon

"A Republican candidate for Congress in Arizona, 

who is white, recently changed his name to Cesar Chavez to appeal to Latino voters. It backfired when Arizona's governor immediately deported him." 

–Jimmy Fallon