WWSCD?

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You might be a redneck if…

you've ever bought lingerie 

at a yard sale.

Jeff Foxworthy

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 Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they are done they go out to their car, which happens to be an awesome leather interior convertible. When they get to the car, they realize they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stand there and think for a while.

Finally one gets am idea to try to open the car with a hanger. So the first blonde starts fiddling with the lock with the hanger. The other blonde looks up at the sky and suddenly becomes very worried.

"HURRY, HURRY," she urges. "IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

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There is a Santa Claus

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus? "VIRGINIA O'HANLON. "115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET." VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. ...................................................................................................  Recently a talking head on Fox news said that Santa Claus was a white man...I feel like since Santa Claus is for all children kids, Santa should be all races and religions.  Can't we just let the kids believe in make believe for a while longer?

 Wonder what she is wanting for Christmas......

NIGHT LIGHT

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Back To My Home Page

Back To Riddles And Jokes

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?

This one will sleigh you ! 

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

 As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" 

 "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!" 

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 What do you get if you cross an i Pad with a Christmas tree?
 
  A pineapple!

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Elf Strike.

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Hard to find good help these days.

Santa's little buddy

This cartoon is for my 80 something older brother Dick. 

 He has about 5 little dogs that like to lay all over him

 any time he takes a nap... 

 The inspiration for this came when we were watching my mother in law's poodle last week end.  Honey the poodle is better than any robot vacuum ever invented, no crumb gets past her.

Sancho Claus

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Several years ago, there was an old guy who called himself Sancho Claus and he would show up at my wife's elementary school at Christmas time with his burro.  He was dressed up like the above image.  I have added three more burros and an old California style wagon to carry the presents.   

The guy was real and it would be a shame to forget what he did for the little kids.

Always use festive duct tape

 Guy rule number 965, always use brightly colored duct tape when wrapping Christmas presents, it brightens up the other wise drab tan mailing paper.  For fun you could wrap your presents in comic pages from your local news paper.  But if you do be sure you use the Sunday comics since they are printed in color.