Holy Crap!

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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.

A Russian guy walks up to the immigration desk at Ukraine airport. The immigration officer asks: 'Occupation?'
The Russian replies: 'No, just a holiday.' (So many Russian tourist coming to Ukraine..is this a holiday?)


 I poured root beer into a square cup. Now I just have beer.

My mate rang me and asked, "What are you doing at the moment?"
I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humor my plumber has.

Shaken Not Stirred.....

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So...Who is the worlds most interesting man?

TOUCHY TOUCHY.....

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OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOOK ALIKE

Maybe this is just being unkind to the donkey.

 

Russian Tourists

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"This situation in Kiev, in the Ukraine, is still a big story. They overthrew the government and then a scared President Viktor Yanukovych went on the run. Now Russia has granted protection to Yanukovych. As soon as Edward Snowden heard that, he said, 'Top bunk!'" 

–Jimmy Fallon
"This week President Obama told his supporters that they are doing God's work by helping to promote Obamacare. God said, 'Whoa, there. Look, I'm flattered. But Obamacare, that's all you, man. Don't involve me in that mess.'"

–Jimmy Fallon

 "In California the owner of a Christian medical marijuana dispensary says God told him to sell pot. As proof, he cited the story from the Bible where Jesus miraculously turns water into pizza." 

–Conan O'Brien

THE RED LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED..AGAIN.

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  TWEETS FROM THE LAST FEW DAYS.

Bradley Dean @BradD_Parker Follow

Hey CNN, those aren't Russian "tanks" moving into Ukraine. Those are self propelled artillery units. Way more damaging. This is serious.

8:38 AM - 3 Mar 2014

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West may ultimately have to accept Crimea as part of Russia – CNN Security Clearance - CNN.com Blogs

By Jim Sciutto The names involved in the escalating crisis in Ukraine -- Crimea, Sevastopol, Simferopol -- make it sound far away and far removed from America's allies and its interests. But the tensions there in fact hit very close to home for the United States. ...

security.blogs.cnn.com

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 The Pentagon is immediately suspending military relations with Russia. http://on.wsj.com/1oOslWm

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Alan ‏@the_millcroft 2m

@WSJbreakingnews @AlertTrade Hilarious. Is that because their nukey stuff is fucked?

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  @hale_razor : Q: Why won't the MSM play back what the two 2012 candidates said about Russia? A: Romneysia.  

HEADLINE FROM THREE DAYS AGO

Revealed: The forgotten treaty which could drag the US and UK into WAR with Russia if Putin's troops intervene in Ukraine

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 Attention campers, grab a beer and plop your butt down in your favorite Lazy Boy and get ready to be entertained with the new and improved war.  Brought to you by our good friends in Russia.

You young whipper snappers!

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

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I have never been to an AA meeting but the above prayer, I have found is a pretty good mantra to live by.

 

A Dying Man's Wish

A dying addict gathered his three best friends at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.

 A week later the man died. At the wake, the three friends, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old party friend farewell.

 By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the first friend, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would spend it on a trip to South America to get cocaine. He asked for their forgiveness.

 The next friend, moved by the gentle sincerity of the first, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a wild party. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to have a great time.

 By this time the last friend, a pot head, was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."

The work week.

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I used to have what was called a work week.  Always looked forward to dress down Friday.  I once told some co-office workers that one day every day would be dress down day IE..business casual and they of course thought I was crazy.  This was back around 1996 give or take a few years.  By 2001 we were indeed business casual every day.  

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                       Dress-down day memos

Most people accept that Friday is a dress-down day, but sometimes being casual doesn’t quite go according to plan!
Office memo no 1
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as dress-down day so that employees may express their diversity.
Office memo no 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for dress-down day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Office memo no 3
Casual refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.?
Office memo no 4
A seminar on how to dress for dress-down day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Office memo no 5
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Dress-down Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Office memo no 6
The Dress-down Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter You Are What You Wear and consult the ‘home casual’ versus ‘business casual’ checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your D-dDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.
Office memo no 7
Because of lack of participation, dress-down day has been discontinued, effective immediately.

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At this point in history the above may seem like a joke but in reality allowing office employees to come to work in blue jeans and a golf shirt (no tie) made most old guard management feel threatened and I am sure they actually saw them selves as the only adults in the corporate world.  I was once sent home because I actually came to work wearing a sweater over a shirt with no tie...I was sent home to get a tie. 

 One could not function in a cubical with out a tie.......don't you know.

Times have changed and I wonder once in awhile if it is for the better.  For some people to be given the freedom to choose what to wear to work is akin to telling them they can also wallow in mud all day.