Stay calm and get on your hazmat suit.

  Further tails or tales of the vampire squirrel

 and his trusty sidekick E-Gore. 

 Sorry about the making the Frankenstein Monster 

the wrong size...we are working on a little budget here

 and I could only afford the mini green guy.  

Wonder what will happen when they bring the green guy to life?  Toon in tomorrow to find out.... Will the villagers come out with pitch forks and torches or will they turn out with the smart phones taking selfies with the green monster?

    ****************************************

Two By Two

*********************************

"A survey found that more than half of Americans see President Obama's

 time in office as a failure. While the rest said, 'You saw him in his office? 

When?'"

 –Jimmy Fallon

"Obama was actually in his office yesterday. 

He met with his Secret Service director 

to talk about the recent White House security breaches. 

 First they had to address the elephant in the room. 

Not metaphorically —

 an actual elephant wandered into the room.

 Security's just awful." 

–Jimmy Fallon

"A new study estimates that only 3.4 percent

 of Americans 

will vote in the midterm elections next month. 

But on the bright side, 

100 percent will still complain about the results." 

–Jimmy Fallon

"t's rumored that a sequel is in the works to the

 1996 movie 'Independence Day.'

 I'm not sure how scary it will be. An alien invasion would be only

 like the fifth worst thing we're dealing with right now." 

 –Jimmy Fallon

I Want My Insurance Agent!

*********************************

The idea for this cartoon came from an insurance commercial.

******************

Jim´s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, 

called the insurance company and said,

 "We had that barn insured for 

fifty thousand and I want my money."

"Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn´t work like that.

 We will assess the value of the building

 and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."

 the agent replied.

Julie, after a pause, said,

"Well, in that case, 

I´d like to cancel the policy on my husband."

**********************

 
Mr. James Barricks, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:

"I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me."

Mr. Barricks died and at the funeral, 

each one placed the envelope on top of the man, 

then he was laid to rest.

On the way from the funeral, in the limo, 

the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen,

 I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Barricks,

 I wanted buy this new machine that would 

enable me to diagnose his rare 

disease and save others. 

It´s what he would have wanted."

Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, 

I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Barricks. 

We needed that money to help more homeless,

 and it´s what Mr. Barricks would have wanted"

The insurance agent was angry at both men and said:

 "I can´t believe both of you, stealing from a dead man.

 I wrote Mr. Barricks a check for the full $30,000!"

Working my fingers to the bone

                                         ********************************************
                                MEMO FROM THE MANAGEMENT
                                        OF ACME INC.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management

 

The Evil Pointy Eared Boss

******************************************

And you only thought your job was stressful.

And I will call you E-Gore

******************************************

I always figured that both squirrels and cats were demented souls and now the tale can be told.

What kind of things would a vampire squirrel have a demented slave cat do for  him?  Tune in tomorrow for some answers.

Attack of the Undead Road Kill.

********************************

1.  Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat their fingers separately!

2.  Why did the zombie go to the hospital? He wanted to learn a few sick jokes!

3.  Why did the zombie lose the lawsuit? He had no leg to stand on!

4. The baby zombie asks her mother 

“Mommy, do I have daddy’s eyes?” 

 The mother says “Yes you do honey!

 Now eat them before they get cold!”

5. What’s a zombie’s favorite shampoo? Head and shoulders!

6. What do you do if there’s a zombie coming

 towards you? Hope it’s Halloween!

7. What did one zombie say to the other 

zombie when they were eating a comedian? This tastes funny!

8. What streets do zombies like best? Dead Ends!

9. What did the vegeterian say when turned into a zombie? Graaiiiinnnnss!!  GRAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNS!!!

10. What did the zombie eat after its teeth were pulled out?
The dentist!