Happy New Year!

 Some times it is really hard to get the motivation to sit down and draw anything, let alone put a gag to the drawing.
My wife has been home from teaching school for Winter Break and when she does that I tend to find other things to do besides this blog.
Now I suppose you may be wondering why I put a duck in the cartoon.  It is the AFLAC duck and with 2013 getting beat up I just felt maybe Father Time may have needed some extra help with the medical bills.

Stuck in the middle.

The airlines got Santa and Mrs. Claus's tickets messed up Mrs Claus ended up in first class and Santa got stuck between two big guys in second class...Looks like it is going to be a long flight from Nome, Alaska down to Hawaii.  I am sure Santa is thinking that at least once he gets off the plane it will be the last he has to endure those big guys from up north....What do you think? 

First day of Vacation

First day of vacation for Mister & Mrs. Claus...Who knew 
they would have company on their flight from the snow 
covered Nome Alaska to the sunny beaches of Hawaii?

Them pesky little green men

 I got kind of caught up in playing with the grand kids new toys to make sure they were safe enough for them and just finished up today's cartoon.
   Tomorrow starts Santa's long vacation laying on a beach sipping umbrella fruity adult beverages with Mrs Claus.

Santa's secret service detail

If the Pope can have a Secret Service detail, why not Santa Claus. 

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"It now appears that as many as a dozen members of the Secret Service were involved in that Colombian prostitution scandal. Now six of the agents have been reassigned. The other six are now party planners for the GSA."

 –Jay Leno

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"This year the government will spend a trillion dollars more than it will take in. Experts say 32 percent of our taxes go to defense. And the rest buys hookers for the Secret Service."

 –Craig Ferguson

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Choices

 This is what our Christmas Tree looks like...We could have bought a larger tree but it was our choice to display a "Tree" that looks like this rather than a six or eight foot tall tree with tons of decorations all over it.
So much is being made of income inequality in our nation these days by the television talking heads and pontifiicators on both sides of the aisle. 
So many people make a big point of hating the "1%" People, the one percent of the population that owns 75% to 80% of the wealth of the world.  Angry words are made of people who come from humble beginnings and through the choices they make in their life they create lots of money.  Other people make other choices and end up poor and destitute.
As we go along the long road we call life choices keep popping up, really quite small choices are made each day that build up on top of each other.  Some choices are quite logical like, brushing our teeth in the morning and taking a shower.  Other choices are unconscious  choices that could save one's life.  Example we are leaving for work in the morning and after going to the car feel an urge to go back to the bathroom.  In doing this unconscious act we are delayed from out trip to work by a couple of minutes.  On the way to work we pass by an accident that happened in the very same spot we would have been in had we not gone back to the bathroom earlier.
Life is full of decisions and later on in life those decisions we made 40-50 years ago will pay us good or bad depending on the choices we made. 
 A new year is coming upon us and the decisions we make next year good or bad will affect us later on in life kind of like a delayed reaction.  It is all up to us, the government may think they can make those choices for us but in the end it is all our own decision.

Santa Claus is thinking of winter vacation in Hawaii with Mrs. Claus even when he is loading up the sleigh with toys for all the good kids of the world as long as they are Christian...(?) Too bad Santa is not allowed to visit Muslim kids with some fun toys...I wonder if they even know what they are missing?
http://islamnewsroom.com/news-we-need/212-santamyt

BANANA!

Bend over and cough

TSA jokes

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"Yesterday a woman wore a bikini to LAX airport hoping to avoid the pat down. She is still being patted down." 

–Conan O'Brien 

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 "Have you heard the TSA's new slogan?

 'We handle more junk than eBay.'" 

-Jay Leno

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"You know, if I wanted somebody halfheartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I'd get married."

 -Seth Meyers 

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"Hillary Clinton said on CBS that she would not submit to a pat-down, to which Bill Clinton said, 'Tell me about it.'" 

–Jay Leno

Christmas in the Bathroom.

 Today's cartoon came to me the last time I was at our local grocery store.  They have an entire aisle devoted to Christmas do-dads and stuff...lots of stuff you would never think of putting out the rest of the year. 
I was really fascinated by the Santa Claus toilet seat cover.

Getting all pretty like.

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"Today, President Obama announced that he's giving all federal employees Christmas Eve off. And when Joe Biden heard that he was like, 'But not Santa, right?'" 

-Jimmy Fallon 

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"The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. It's all part of their 'For the last time, we're not Muslim' campaign."

 –Conan O'Brien

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"Christmas is just around the corner. It's just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns." 

-David Letterman

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"A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions. " 

–Jimmy Kimmel

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While Pope Francis was visiting a children's center, a young boy snatched the Pope's hat off. And because of a little-known Vatican law, that boy is now the new Pope — Pope Timmy.

 

Santa's List

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What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? 

A rebel without a Claus.
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Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

 Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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  ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L!!)!

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 A man went to his psychiatrist and said,
"What's wrong with me? I'm afraid of Santa."
The psychiatrist said, "You must be Claustrofobic."

Two wise men

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What if 3 Wise Men were Women?

What would have happened if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions,
arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable,
made a casserole,
and brought practical gifts.

But what they would have said when they left...?
"Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"
"That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"
"Virgin, my arse! I knew her in school!"
"Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in the house?"
"I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!"
"And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!"
"Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole dish back?" 

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WWSCD?

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You might be a redneck if…

you've ever bought lingerie 

at a yard sale.

Jeff Foxworthy

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 Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they are done they go out to their car, which happens to be an awesome leather interior convertible. When they get to the car, they realize they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stand there and think for a while.

Finally one gets am idea to try to open the car with a hanger. So the first blonde starts fiddling with the lock with the hanger. The other blonde looks up at the sky and suddenly becomes very worried.

"HURRY, HURRY," she urges. "IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

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There is a Santa Claus

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus? "VIRGINIA O'HANLON. "115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET." VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. ...................................................................................................  Recently a talking head on Fox news said that Santa Claus was a white man...I feel like since Santa Claus is for all children kids, Santa should be all races and religions.  Can't we just let the kids believe in make believe for a while longer?

 Wonder what she is wanting for Christmas......

NIGHT LIGHT

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Back To My Home Page

Back To Riddles And Jokes

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?

This one will sleigh you ! 

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

 As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" 

 "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!" 

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 What do you get if you cross an i Pad with a Christmas tree?
 
  A pineapple!

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