A chick with an Attitude.

Today is the first day of the rest of our life.  A new beginning ...let's see if we can get it right this time.

It is also part of Pass Over and Easter.  

Christian holidays for some one reason or another have created a whole passel of buy products or extra icons like the Easter egg, chocolate bunny, Santa Claus, Elves, pixies, Christmas Trees and Trick, a rabbit that farts out colored eggs etc etc.

Since these things have no connection with the original intent of the holiday they are not actually reflective of the holiday and can actually be used by any other religion that wants to use them.

It would be interesting if the Muslims were to install some sort of cartoon animal or such in relation to one of their own holidays and make the holiday about their own kids. But in reality they would rather do some somber rememberense something that happened when some old bearded guy croaked 1,000 years ago.  Maybe that is the major difference between Christians and Islam. To Christians the big deal is when things are born and to Muslims it is when they die.

 Be that as it may, today is Easter and as such for us it is a day of going to church, having family reunions, Easter egg hunts, and eating lots of food.  Forget for the moment that sometime in the future you will finally find that rotten smelly colored egg that some kid never found today.

JERK

It is a brave new freaking world and I love it!

This is my very first attempt at doing a cartoon entirely in the computer without starting off with a scanned pencil drawing.  I was kind of intimidated by the mere thought of doing something like this as it felt like doing tight rope walking with no safety net....But now that I have actually done it I find it actually lots of fun and far more flexible than applying color by hand.
Just think no more buying ink pens or pencil or even paper. 
Once upon a time I used to be a cubical moll for a large corporation and during this time we went from paper documents to totally paperless over night.  Instead of piles and piles of documents and even checks to be posted to investor accounts what we got was a scanned in copy of the document or check.  There was so much stress with the other cubical minions and it took a couple weeks be for the stress level died down.  Humans do not like change usually but lots of time after the change happens these same people wonder what the big fuss was.
Anyway, with this new capability I am now able to do these silly cartoons anywhere that I have electricity with my little lap top computer and wireless mouse.  For an old guy like me this is like stepping into a science fiction movie.  As I get more and more used to this paradigm shift in my simple little life I should even be able to pick up the speed and number projects I can do each day. 
This is so freaking cool!

FAMILY HARMONY

 Family reunions can be all happy harmony on the outside but there is an ugly under belly of family shin digs.  

We have decided to just stay with this comic strip blog with this paradigm shift from black and white to color.  The major changes will be simple one panel gag, in color but will include animals from around the world and under the ocean.  I am teaching my self how to draw with the aid of the computer and in color so hopefully the drawing will improve into the future.  There will be no political gags and no story line just a simple giggle or two per day.  A funny thing happens when we give animals human traits such as the above.  But in the normal real world pet owners have been doing this for years every time they give their pet a name such as Burt, Becky, Danny, Steve or Kathy.
Just silly pictures of silly animals or fish or birds or insects doing silly things this is our new mantra.

Change in Management

Every so often we have to step back and take stock of the direction we are taking in life to see the big picture. How about that six cliches in one sentence.

At that point in my life I will try to get the old leaky tub, I call my life back, on a true tack and then settle back at the rudder and sail off into the sunset with new joy in my step and blah blah blah.

For the time being and foreseeable future I am changing the format of these silly cartoons to a colorized single panel like the drawing above.  

I will be setting up a new blog site and the pictures will be of all wild critters, from all over the world and under the sea. The common theme will have these wild critters doing silly things.  The cartoons will be without words so that they may be enjoyed by all people. The will also be so that we will be able to mount them on coffee cups, T-shirts etc etc.  

My wife and I were bouncing around names for the new blog and one that we both liked was "All Creatures Great And Small".  It is a quote from the bible and is the name of one of my all time favorite books.   Since it has all ready in use it is back to the drawing board for a new blog name.  I also have to pick a blog name that is not already in use.

With Easter coming up and lots of family doings between now and next Monday, the new blog and new colorized cartoon concept will begin next Tuesday.  

By tomorrow we will have the name of the new blog and an example of what will be in that new venue.  So it is back to the rudder of life and see if I can get a new tack off into the sunset.

Snot nosed germ factory

Thus starts the sad tale of poor old Pooh Bear of his adventures in Hell or as most people refer to as Disneyland.  I am so old I can remember watching Ronald Reagan as the lead talking head was there at Disneyland on it's opening day July 17, 1955.  http://thisdayindisneyhistory.homestead.com/DisneylandGrandOpening.html
I was 8 going on 9 that summer and was a full fledged-card-carrying member of the the Mickey Mouse Club, Coon Skinned Cap and all.  Sang the silly assed song every time Mickey sang it and knew all the Mouseketeers by sight and name.  Some people call us the Baby Boom Generation but to us who lived it, we were the Mickey Mouse Club generation.  We were the very first kids to be brainwashed by that little box that flashed non-stop black and white visual commands of what we were to demand our parents buy.  The toys the breakfast food and where we our parents were required to take us on vacation...Namely Disneyland.  Keeping in mind at that point there was only one television set in the entire neighborhood and it belonged my best friend Kenny Hill.  Kenny was popular with us other kids not just because he had a TV but his old man actually owned a Toy Store, how cool would it be if you were 8 years old to brag about the fact your old man owned a toy store?
July, 1956, we were living near San Bernardino, California and me and my sister talked the old man to taking us for the day, in his 1950 Plymouth to the Holy Grail of Holy Grails.... Disneyland.  At that time Disneyland was sitting in the middle of miles and miles of orange orchards and the only road to the park was a lone two lane black top back road. Today, a 10 lane major freeway passes right by the front gate of park and it is now in the middle of downtown Anaheim,California.    We rode the rides and ate the food and it was a day that will live on in my memory forever.
Sorry for the sidetrack down memory lane, or as they say "But I digress," so here we regress (?) and get back on the stick.
Several months ago the Pooh Bear was hiding out in Alfred Packer State Park with Zak and the other wild critters and a space ship arrived with George Lucas in the driver's seat.  George talked the Pooh Bear to come back to Lucas Land in California to appear in his next Star Wars movie.  A few months later George sold out to the evil empire, namely Disney!
This adventure finds Pooh Bear in the grips of despair in a dungeon shackled to a ball and chain for his attempt at escaping the clutches of the Disney Corporation.  He is given one last chance to prove he is a good corporate employee, he has to wear the much hated Donald Duck costume and mingle with the guests at Disneyland. But Pooh Bear has a phobia about hugging little kids.  Now we see Pooh Bear has declined the affections of some little 5 year old boy from Greasy Corner, Arkansas.  His parents Cletus and Mary Jo Smith were non too happy and claimed Donald Duck was racist because he refused to hug their little snot nosed angel.
So now not only is the Pooh Bear guilty of attempted escape from the "Happy Happy Happiest place on Earth" but now refuses to be happy and hug the guests of Disneyland.  What type of punishment will make Pooh Bear a good member of society.  What type of torture would Disney deem demented enough to brain wash any person into submission?
The old guy in the back of the room who is waving his hand seems to know the answer.
"The most demonic place in Disneyland is "It's a Small World After All" ride is the perfect torture chamber!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-enAt_Jqft4  And so we leave our little friend Pooh Bear being dragged off to the most demented place on the face of the Earth.  Will he once again escape from the clutches of Disney and rejoin his true friends in the wild...Silly question I suppose but I had to ask it.

Yesterday I got all excited because I was able to finally figure how to use the computer cartoon program I have that would enable me to colorize my cartoons.  But alas it is only good up to 8X10 inches and I the originals of these three panel comic strips are "legal size" paper or 11X14.
Why not just scan the pencil originals in and shrink them down to 8X10 you may be wondering.  I tried that and the end results were that pixels just fell all a part and ended up looking like three little pictures of dots & dashes.
I could change the format of the cartoons to one panel but I figure somewhere out there is a computer program that can handle larger drawings.

Rites of Spring

Yesterday I was looking out at our front yard and for some odd reason this scene came to mind.  I guess it was the thought that under the foot of snow out there, our neighbor's Crocus was trying to pop their little heads through the frozen crust of snow.  Maybe I am just so tired of the cold grey days of Winter that greets my eyes every day in what seems like forever.
 Anyway the old romantic inside of me liked to think that maybe out there in the mountains somewhere the wild critters are also starting to get "Cabin Fever" and any sign of a future of warm days and colorful vegetation is a feeling that is universal between man and critter alike.

Snot nosed little brats!

                                                                                                                                                                               

Bear with me folks the gag line will be along shortly.  

 At Disneyland there are many ways that management can torture both employees and the "Guest" or tourist who are willing to fork out lots of money to stand around in endless lines and pay exorbitant amounts of money for phony international food and entertainment.
There is one ride that has been at Disneyland since the late 1960s that goes beyond the vale of torture of anyone who spends the time to ride that ride from Hell.  Tomorrow I will tell you about this this closeted secret of Disney Corp and their plan for world domination!
I rode that ride back in 1971 and still have nightmares about that demonic vision of the future of mankind.  It almost drove me mad in 1971 and I am sure it has been driving people mad to this day.

  Curse you Disney for all your freaking Cuteness and Authoritarian view of world order!

The P.D.R.D.

Pooh Bear has escaped once again from the Disney Corporation and is planning on hiding out with his friends at Alfred Packer State Park West of North Park Colorado.  Will the Disney Storm Troopers come looking for little old Pooh Bear?   What kind of job did Teeger get promoted to?
Stay tooned to find out the answers to these question as soon as I figure what they will be.

STRIKE!

 When I invited Sheldon Cooper to write yesterday's comic strip I actually thought it would be kind of fun to see Zak and his little wild buddies try something new.
I guess this just goes to show you can't win them all, just because it looks good on paper does not mean it will play well in Peoria or what the hell is wrong with those critters any way?
Sorry about that Sheldon, nice try, but your material is not what we are looking for etc etc.
Funny, here I am sending a rejection slip to a imaginary person...
I have had a talk with the ring leaders of the local 1369 union and they have agreed that as long as Sheldon Cooper is not writing their lines they will come back to work at the same pay they were getting before.
Wow did I ever bite the bullet on that one.  I was sort of expecting they would demand a raise in pay and extra benefits.
Tomorrow we finally find out why Pooh bear is hiding out back at Alfred Packard State Park.  I wonder if it may have something to do with his relationship with Disney.  Tune in tomorrow for further adventures from Alfred Packer State Park.

There There.

Today we have a guest writer. 

 He will be showing his face in tomorrow's comic strip. 

Caveman Diet.

How do you make a Prairie Dog look like a Caveman?
It seems like everyone is on some sort of diet and have to eat special foods like nothing but Grapefruit or no fat, no wheat or grains of any kind diet or eating no meat coming from a split hoofed beast.
There are all sorts of diet to pick and choose from out there: Some people's dietary choices are influenced by their religious, spiritual or philosophical beliefs.

• Buddhist diet:  
• Hallelujah diet:  
• Hindu and Jain diets:  
• Islamic dietary laws:  
• I-tal:  
• Kosher diet 
•  Lacto vegetarianism:  
  • Lacto-ovo vegetarianism:  
  • Vegan diet:   
  • Flexitarian diet:  
  • Kangatarian diet:  
  • Pescetarian diet:  
  • Plant-based diet:   
  • Body for Life: 
  • Cookie diet: 
  • Hacker's diet: 
  • Nutrisystems Diet:  
  • Weight Watchers diet:  
  •  Atkins diet:  
  • Dukan Diet:  
  • South Beach Diet
  • Stillman diet
  • Beverly Hills Diet: 
  • Cabbage Soup Diet: 
  • Grapefruit diet:  
  • Israeli Army diet:  
  • Junk food diet:  
  • Subway diet:  
  • Watermelon diet:  
  • Western dietary pattern:  
  • & Detox Diets 
  •  By clicking on the diet name you will be linked to that diet in Cyberspace.
  • JUNK FOOD DIET?  

Recently my wife was told that if you put a bar of soap in you bed under the bottom sheet your aches and pains will leave you.  I also suggested that we also sleep with a dead rat under our pillow to give us good dreams...People are looking for the promised life of happiness and good health and so other people will always have the answers to your quest.  

Meanwhile for me at my age when I wake up in the morning it seems like I just had a near death experience.  The older you get the longer the near death experience is when your entire life flashes in front of you.  The other day I had one of those and decided I may as well pop some popcorn and have a beer while watching this major flash back as it was going to take a long time.  But I digress.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life and the very first day of Spring 2013, a brand new beginning....live life like there is no tomorrow, do all the things you have been putting off dong and love all those around you....Wow! Talk about putting on some stress.

See you all tomorrow.  BTW Coming up shortly will be a visit from the jolly old soul himself, the Easter Bunny.  It seems he is a little pissed off this year...Stay tooned.

The day after the day before

I bet in life lots of us would like to have a stunt double for those days and events we do not want to attend.  IRS tax audits comes to mind.

Thunk!

Since it is Monday, it must be Carlos's day to shine or get bopped or thunked.

It is a public service as it were to all those who have to face yet another freaking Monday.  This is my way of showing you that no matter how crappy your day will be today there are lots of others who face even bigger issues then we do.  

Since I am retired everyday is like a Weekend day but once long ago in another life even I faced the hated Monday once a week just like you do today.

And just like Carlos, I bet you are only too happy that Mondays happen only one day a week.  Now doesn't that make you feel more better?  More better?  Anyway, now that we got that over with, all you little minions off to work with you and as I tell my wife as she goes off to her job as a third grade teacher, "Be nice, make at least one new little friend to day and share all your toys."

Irish Metaphors

Funny thing about St Patrick's Day in America, one of the most popular ways to Celebrate the day is to eat a dish called Corned Beef & Cabbage...This is an All American meal and the Irish do not have it on their menu.  We also now learn that there never was any snakes in Ireland so St Patrick could never have chased them off the island.  But all in all it is only excuse to have a parade, eat lots of food and drink lots of Green Beer ( Another unheard of thing in Ireland until some Americans brought the idea to the Irish).
 But what the Hey?

Young Pup.

 As they say, "Sometimes them young pups 

should listen to the wisdom of us old farts."

Irate Future Voters

Recently President Obama canceled all tours of the White House because of the "Sequester".  Now President Obama is saying the decision came from the Secret Service, who over-sees the protection of the President and his family.

  This has upset several elementary schools around the country, they have been planning trips to visit the White House with the students for a year or more.  They raised the money for the trip with Bake Sales and other fund raisers and with no notice their trip has been canceled.  

Pres Obama, try to explain to an 8 year old why you are such a mean old Grinch and have no problem destroying their faith in our country.  You big old meany you!

Morning Formation with Sgt Striker.

Introducing Howard and Leonard, borrowed from the Big Bang Theory.  Sometimes it is kind of fun to take characters from some TV show and place them in a total alien setting in an alternate universe and see what happens. Of course at the same time old Sergeant Striker is not amused but when was the last time Sgt. John Striker was amused.

Gurdey Giddy Goosey Gander Garders

Willy & Joe standing guard duty on the front lines of the Prairie Dog .
Tongue Twisters are a fun way to pass the time  but I bet if a Prairie Dog were actually doing a tongue twister in Prairie Dog talk, it would come out: "Chirp Chirp Chirp chirp chirp."

Let it snow let it snow let it snow...etc etc

This could almost fit into one of those Ripley Believe It or Not.  Yesterday, 26 hours ago I came up with this gag and at that time, local channel nine weather girl was telling us that we were supposed to have a warm and dry day with just blue skies overhead today.
It started snowing about 1:00 a m and it is still snowing.

Honest Injun!

That Tingly Feeling Going Up My Leg.

Berry T. Bunny (Boo-Nae) just finished chewing out the president of the United States before he realized he was standing in front of the guy.  Pretty funny stuff as long as it ain't you, as they say.
Back in 2008 Chris Mathews who is a inept jerk on MSNBC (or as FOX News calls, "The Losers") was over heard after one of Pres Obama's many many speeches as saying the Obama voice gave him a Tingly feeling up his leg.
So boys and Girls, what did we learn today?  If you are going to say how you feel about someone you dislike, you may as well get it all out there, give it to them with both barrels!  Mainly because you may never ever have another chance to let them know what ass holes they are.  I bet you thought I would say some crappy thing like, " If you ain't got nothing good to say don't say Nothing."  To that I say .....(Drum Roll)...."PFFFFFFT"  That is what we Americans call a Raspberry.

Berry gets his wish

Berry T Bunny (Boo-knee) is the park administrator for Alfred Packer State camp ground and park.  He is normally in control of his emotions but the Sequestration has put a bit of a crimp on his budget trying to figure where to cut his over head.  At this point you may be wondering...Where is the Secret Service?  Well folks this is just a silly ass comic strip an alternate universe as they say.

TSA duty

Maybe it would be a good thing if every time we got ready to board an air plane we got a free physical exam.  Maybe it would be good to be required to remove our shoes when we went through a TSA screening line as well or getting a free X-Ray every time we wanted to travel by public air lines....Oh wait we already do,  Not only do we have to be subjected to the concept of, "You are guilty of future violence" even if you are a little old 86 year old blue haired woman in a wheel chair, but the air planes we are now flying in are not much difference to a flying yellow school bus.

Time to go, exit stage left

The president of the United States wears many hats as they say. 

 "Since I am qualified to be President of the United States, that makes me qualified to be anything I so choose."  Said President Obama as he tried to imitate Tiger Woods, professional golfer.

There is always a better way.

  Slight of hands..."See that evil over there? ( Don't be looking at the man behind the curtain.)  Do ya'll want to feel secure or not? After all, Big Sis and I know what is best for y'all!  So don't be fretting and everything will be just fine.  You can trust me, after all I am not one of those Rich and Greedy Republicans wanting to put you back in chains."
Those are all quotes from the Obama White House during the past four years, except for the first one of not looking behind the curtain.  That quote is from the Wizard of Oz movie...but in the future I wonder if maybe the true legacy of the Obama years will be termed the Wiz of Oz years.

Healing the sick

The down side to ACME Health Care (or Obama Care) is that it is loosely based on a Soviet Modal or one size fits all and Central Planning.  The official name of ACME Health Care is the "Affordable" Health Care Act.  Since it has nothing to do with health care and is actually just another Taxing machine it often makes some of us wonder if it was created by Rube Goldberg.
"Mister President Are you Sure you Are Qualified to make Medical decisions?"
"Of course I am qualified!  I was Qualified to become President of the United States with my extensive experience in Community Organizing wasn't I?  Since I am qualified to be the President of the United States, that makes me the most powerful man in the Universe!  As such since I am qualified to be the most powerful man in the Universe that makes me qualified to do anything including telling you how to live your life.  I can also create jobs and wealth with a smart phone and can cure the sick and lame with the laying on of my hands and saying,  YOU ARE HEALED BROTHERS AND SISTERS!  SAY HALLELUJAH....   CAN I HEAR A....PRAISE THE LORD!"

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Forever it seems, every time Pres Obama has not gotten his way to move along his personal agenda, he has been running around the country on a perpetual campaign against all those who do not toe his personal agenda.  It seems like he wants the power to rule but refuses to take any responsibility when things fail.
As they say only history and God can judge the actions of those in power.
On the last panel I had originally thought I would use the old saying, "Can't have people calling me, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"  so I changed it to as something that Richard Nixon would have said..."I am not a crook!"  Some people liken Pres Obama to Pres Carter but I starting to wonder if he is not turning into something like a mix of Pres Nixon and Former FBI Director J Edger Hoover.  

I'm Not A Doctor in Real Life.......

This is not something you will be seeing in too many places, a bear interviewing Pres Obama about stuff..  Not really political stuff, just like, "What was the reason you did what you did?"  or "What the Hell were you thinking when you shoved Granny off the cliff?"
So for the next few days Zak the bear will be asking hard hitting questions of Pres Obama, like what beer do you serve when you are having the guys over to watch a foot ball game? Or What is Tiger Wood really like?  Or Can you really cure this cold that Bobby the Werepoodle has? 
The reason I am calling it ACME Health Care instead of Obama Care?  Do you remember all those gizmos that were used in the Road Runner cartoons?  They all came from a company call ACME and we all know how well those gizmos worked.

Bad Cold.

Bobby the Werepoodle was supposed to turn into a run-of-the-mill Werewolf or wolf man last October but for fun tuned him into a poodle instead.  Unknown side effect of being a Werewolf/Werepoodle is that if you sneeze you turn into a .....What-cha-ma-call-it monster.  Other side effects happen when he gets the hic-ups and the really bad side effects happen when you fart but that is another story for another comic strip.
Tomorrow Zak the Bear takes Bobby the WerePoodle/ Whatchamacallit Monster to see a doctor.  Do you suppose there has been any changes since Obama Care took over the healthcare in America?  Tune in tomorrow and see the Brave New World of Healthcare under Pres Obama. (For every action there is always a funny side affect, you just have to look for it.)

Splat?

Try to imagine what it would be like to have a personal trainer like a female Viking warrior...Tommy the Turtle is about to get Buff....

 SPLAT?


















How's that for a little face and body paint?