If you need me, I'll be on the 19th hole

"John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for." —David Letterman
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"Senator John Kerry gave his opponents in the struggling Republican Party a much needed distraction when he told a college audience on Monday that if you don't do well in school, you might get stuck in Iraq. Some people are taking that as a slam against our troops. Kerry says it was a botched joke about the president being dumb. It doesn't bode well when you try to make a joke about someone being dumb and you wind up looking even dumber." --Jimmy Kimmel