Hula Shirt Monday

 "Babe? Does this dress make my arse look big?" 

asked the missus.

I knew this was going to be a dangerous situation, 

so I decided to play it safe,

By going down to the zoo and punching a rhino in the face.

 

Happy Sunday!

..................................................................

Change to this blog.

From now on instead of those terrible old jokes I have been posting, I will from now on be including some funny and silly photographs of animals just being animals. 

..................................................................

Da Mayor...of North Park Colorado

 Basically separated at birth twins Bob and Rob are both mayors and are both pigs but in reality are not related by birth.

Knock knock...Who's there?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Etch.
Etch who?
Bless you!

................................................................

"Intelligence officials say they had a hard time predicting Russia's invasion because Vladimir Putin doesn't own a cellphone or use the Internet due to fear of being tracked. You can tell Putin doesn't spend much time online. When he says 'LOL,' he means 'Look out, Latvia.'"

 –Jimmy Fallon

"That's right, Putin doesn't have a cellphone. 

And just like everyone else without a cellphone, 

he won't stop bragging about it."

 –Jimmy Fallon
 

Good to be home.

After five days on the road it is nice to be back home.  

If you are visiting friends or relatives and

 they make you feel at home,

 it is never like being in your own home. 

Spring time in the Rockies

 March 2014

March 15, 2011

......................................................................................

Spring time for Bears means coming out of a long winter's nap and party time.....at least in my little cartoon world .

The bottom two cartoons I did back in 2011 and the top one I just did this morning.

Today we are heading down into the mountains of southern Colorado for the next 4 days will not be close to Wi-Fi and so the next blog will probably be Thursday or Friday.  During the time I am away from the blog I will  be drawing up a storm of different versions of what bears do on spring break.   

This is the first day of spring break for many school teachers and my cartoons of the bears on spring break are kinda sorta like what I imagine most teachers are doing on Spring Break (give or take a lie or two).

See you on Friday.

Being Vewy Vewy Quiet.

 Bing is still with Vladimir Putin who likes to dress up and act like Elmer Fudd...Hey, J Edger Hoover liked to dress up like a woman and Barack Obama likes to play the part of an emperor so who is to say what is normal?



 Not quite sure what is going on here.

Wascally Wabbits

...............................................................................

HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!

...........................................................................................

          This is the way Canadians celebrate

         the first day of spring.

First day of Spring in Moscow Russia.

What's up Doc?

Of course rabbits use a Carrot smart phone...I can't use the Apple logo because we all know using the name Apple could be an illegal use of a trademark and I would never use some trade mark name without permission would I.
Bing has taken the wrong turn and ended up in Malta Crimea...with no papers...no problem there right?

СВОБОДА!

The above cartoon is a version of an old painting we in America call Lady Liberty, in France they call it:
La Liberté guidant le peuple...  added in the Kiev skyline in the back ground and changed the French flags to the Ukraine flags and I covered up Liberty's breast.   But the idea is basically the same Liberty and equality. 

  The concept of Freedom is a hard one for lots of people to grasp.  To some people the idea of giving people freedom and liberty is equal to anarchy and madness run a muck.  The idea that people for instance be left the freedom to choose where to live, what foods to eat, what kind of car to drive, to own a pistol or rifle, or even what type of toilet they install in their home.  
In some parts of America it is illegal to live off the grid.  Living a self sustaining life style where one is not hooked into any outside source of water, gas, telephone, internet, cable television or electricity.  There are some hotels and motels that refuse to accept cash for a night's stay and it is almost illegal to purchase a plane ticket in cash.  
America used to be free at least freer than it is today.  Each year we lose a freedom here and a liberty there, nothing very noticeable but little by little America is becoming more like China and China is becoming more like America.
Putin says he has no desire to annex any more of Ukraine...we shall see.  The Russian love what Putin has done and do not see his actions the same way we in America view them.  I can only guess what is going through the heads of the people who live in Moldova, Ukraine and even Poland.  
Let's face the facts here, if Putin so desires to annex all of Europe....who will stop him?

Bear Wisdom

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? 

A rash of good luck. 

 I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home..

That may not be a big deal to you,

 but I've never driven a bus before.

........................................................

IRISH LIMERICKS

 There once was a young man named Justin
Who got caught by his mom when lustin'
While cybering with "hedgethorn"
and looking at hardcore porn
And his daddy gave him a good bustin'

There once was a young man named Sean,
Whose wish came from a sly leprechaun,
To be surrounded by dough,
Was what he wanted, so,
In six months he was born as a fawn. - See more at: http://www.irish-expressions.com/irish-limericks.html#sthash.YveKsF0N.dpuf

There once was a young man named Sean,
Whose wish came from a sly leprechaun,
To be surrounded by dough,
Was what he wanted, so,
In six months he was born as a fawn. - See more at: http://www.irish-expressions.com/irish-limericks.html#sthash.YveKsF0N.dpuf

 

To be surrounded by dough,
Was what he wanted, so,
In six months he was born as a fawn. - See more at: http://www.irish-expressions.com/irish-limericks.html#sthash.YveKsF0N.dpuf

There once was a young man named Sean,
Whose wish came from a sly leprechaun,
To be surrounded by dough,
Was what he wanted, so,
In six months he was born as a fawn. - See more at: http://www.irish-expressions.com/irish-limericks.html#sthash.YveKsF0N.dpuf

There once was a young man named Sean,
Whose wish came from a sly leprechaun,
To be surrounded by dough,
Was what he wanted, so,
In six months he was born as a fawn. - See more at: http://www.irish-expressions.com/irish-limericks.html#sthash.YveKsF0N.dpuf

“There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'

There was an Old Man of Vienna,
Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;
When that did not agree,
He took Camomile Tea,
That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

- See more at: http://www.irish-expressions.com/irish-limericks.html#sthash.YveKsF0N.dpuf

 

“There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'

There was an Old Man of Vienna,
Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;
When that did not agree,
He took Camomile Tea,
That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

- See more at: http://www.irish-expressions.com/irish-limericks.html#sthash.YveKsF0N.dpuf

Happy Birthday Danny.

Today is my number one son, Dan's number 42 birthday....congratulations kiddo you made it through another year kinda sorta unscathed.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!

Большой брат следит за тобой!

Vladimir Putin the benevolent  dictator 
or crime lord of an entire nation. 
 I use the term "Benevolent" because unlike Uncle Joe Stalin, Putin has not sent millions of people to their collective death or exiled to Siberia.  At the same time many average Russians are starving while Putin and his cronies live life large off petrol dollars and fear.  He keeps up the myth that the United States is on the verge of  invading Russia...if the Russian people only knew what would happen if the United States were to do just that, they would probably petition America to invade their nation. (Look at Germany and Japan) Of course if the United States were to invade Russia, the Russians would have to learn how to play baseball and basketball.

Приветствую славных В.ПУТИН!

                    "ALL HAIL GLORIOUS VLADIMIR PUTIN"

YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHAT THE TITLE OVER THE CARTOON SAYS...Путин, ты мудак....

"Putin, you're mudak!"  

THE WORD "MUDAK CAN MEAN SEVERAL THINGS, LIKE 

horse's ass, asshole, dickhead, moron, motherfucker, turd, blockhead, shit ass, simpleton.   To me this does not seem very offensive but to a Russian it is what they call him behind his back.  Ironically I asked my contact over there if the Russians ever called Joseph Stalin, Uncle Joe, and was informed that would be not very polite. That plus the term Uncle Joe would have no meaning in Russia.  BTW the person who did coin the phrase "Uncle Joe"  was Franky Roosevelt ( FDR).

..................................................

"President Obama went shopping at The Gap here in New York City. He ended up buying a sweater for each of his daughters, and a workout jacket for the first lady. You know, because whenever someone visits New York the one souvenir people really want is something from The Gap."

 –Jimmy Fallon

 "It's been very tense between Russia and us recently. In fact, lawmakers in Russia have started a petition to get the U.S. kicked out of this year's World Cup. Or they could just take the easier route and wait until we lose in the first round to literally any other country." 

–Jimmy Fallon

"New reports show that the Crimean vote to join Russia on Sunday did not include an option for 'no.' There were only two boxes on the ballot, one for 'yes,' and one for 'murder my family.'" 

–Seth Meyers

"It looks like Obamacare will miss its enrollment goal of 7 million people by March 31, as only 4 million have signed up so far. Republicans haven't been this excited since the invention of khakis." 

–Seth Meyers

 "President Obama recently sent the Prime Minister of Canada two cases of White House-brewed beer after losing a bet. Obama bet him that Justin Bieber couldn’t get any douchier." –Conan O'Brien

Vladimir Putin Between Two Ferns

 BETWEEN TWO FERNS is an on line comedy show hosted by Zach Galianakis.  I had never seen it until President Obama appeared on the show Pimping Obama Care, tax program.  
After watching this show it got me to wonder what would happen if Vladimir Putin was a guest.  If Putin did make a showing what would be the most obnoxious question Zach could ask the Thug of Moscow...




       

Below are some photos of Zach Galianakis....

(By the way I still can not pronounce his last name)

 Here we have President Obama 

answering one of Zach's obnoxious questions.

 ZACH GALIANAKIS

Uncle Joe's Candy Store

Vladimir Putin as a school kid in a candy store

....can you really just eat one?

"Russian President Vladimir Putin is claiming Russia did not invade the Crimean peninsula. What are those guys, neighborhood watch? Mall cops?"

David Letterman

 "President Obama is steamed about this. He got Vladimir Putin on the phone and said, 'Hello, is this Adele Dazeem?'"

–David Letterman

 "Vladimir Putin is a goon, a stooge, and a thug. Not only did he invade Crimea, but he shut down 'meet-Russian-women.com.'" 

–David Letterman

ALL HAIL PUTIN

              
The original idea was to put Putin dressed up as a Roman Centurion in a chariot with hordes of blood thirsty Russian soldiers in back of him heading into Ukraine.  But then it hit me that Putin would never lead his men into battle, silly old me.  He and the other old Russian men would be huddled back in Moscow watching the war like our fearless leaders do on some big screen television  eating pop corn and swigging down vodka or beer and treating the whole thing much like a foot ball game.  The ordinary Russian citizen probably thinks their army is going into Ukraine to rescue or liberate Russian speaking Ukrainians.  Here in America we have a slightly different take on the situation.  We see it as a land grab by Putin, he knows we in America will do nothing to stop his actions and if America won't it sure as shooting ain't gonna be the French and Germans to stop his illegal land grab.

LET'S FACE THE FACTS HERE..Hillary Clinton compared Putin to Hitler...I think he is more like Julius Caesar.

THE TOP CARTOON IS IN RUSSIAN  

THE BOTTOM ONE IS IN UKRAINIAN

Penguin Lust.

Days later during an interview with People Magazine, Russian President Vladimir Putin was quoted as exclaiming, " I did not have sexual relations with that penguin!"

............................................................. 

What do penguins sing on a birthday? 

........ Freeze a jolly good fellow.

What do you call a penguin in the desert? 

.......... Lost 

A penguin walks into a store and asks the teller, "Do you have any grapes?"
"No." He replies.  This same thing happens the next day. On the third day the teller replies,"
No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor "
On the next the penguin walks in and asks," Got any nails?  "No." Replies the teller.
 "Got any grapes " The penguin asks

мудак"

Apparently calling a Russian plutocrat a Mudak is about the worst thing a Russian will call another Russian.  

муди" or MUDAK translates into American English as:
horse's ass, asshole, dickhead, moron, motherfucker, turd, blockhead, shitass, simpleton" but to Russians it apparently has a deeper meaning.
I was going to use:   "Мои яйца больше твоих"
(my balls are bigger than yours)

but apparently that does not mean anything to Russians.

• Funny how what we take for normal everyday life, to other people in other places it can seem so alien and visa versa.