No Rush Here.

      On Easter Island, 

there is no such thing as Rushmore.

Birds

          Hell not having any hands or arms at times like this.
         *********************************************

"A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs. And that's just selling lava lamps at Spencer's Gifts." –Jimmy Fallon

"The organizing committee for the 2016 Olympics in Rio just announced that 38 percent of the venues are completed. When asked if they'd be done in time for the Summer Games, Rio said, 'Wait – SUMMER games?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The ordeal of changing the stinky fish tank water is over and life is back to normal for Oscar the gold fish and Felix the snail.  

Seeing the picture yesterday of the Felix the cat clock gave me the idea for the above gag.  The gags they do come from everywhere just when we least expect them.

Tomorrow we are going camping for several days and won't be      near a place I can post to the blog.

Sound Effects

Continuing with this traumatic adventure

 for our little gold fish Oscar

To be continued tomorrow.

Slip Slipping Away.

To keep you up to speed and on the same demented page I am I will be including the other cartoons involved with this trauma inducing eppisode of little Oscar the gold fish life.

I wonder if the wild animals involved with the BP Oil Spill may have felt like Oscar.  Please keep in mind that no fish were harmed in the making of this cartoon also Oscar will survive this ordeal.

Sticky fingers

 

************************************************

Moral to this little story is that little eight year old boys will do exactly as requested.  

The Royal Flush.

************************************

There was once a country boy who hated using the outhouse because it was hot in the summer and freezing in the winter...plus it stank all the time. The outhouse was situated on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

So one day after a spring rain the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing this meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree."

Here's looking at you kid.

               

      ****************************************************

  Another new character....the house cat we are calling Bella.  She would love to get grubby little paws on Oscar the goldfish....Never going to happen but it does bring a little drama into this little fish tank world.

The Odd Couple

Every young man's dream room mate, someone who will happily eat his shit and not drink any of his beer.

                                      ********************************************

'During his trip to the White House yesterday, Uruguay's president said that more Americans should be bilingual. Then Joe Biden said, 'Thanks, but I'm happily married.''

 –Jimmy Fallon 

"According to a new survey, 55 percent of Americans think that they are smarter than the average American. Said the average American, '55 percent? That's almost half.'" 

–Seth Meyers

OSCAR

Introducing Oscar.  

Named after a kid in my wife's 3rd grade class...

a gold fish with an attitude.  

Life in a glass fish tank can be stressful on a little fish who dreams of adventure and if a gold fish could have a 

napoleon complex.... Oscar is just the gold fish to have one.  

Litter guys

                                ************************************************

Not much of a gag...I just wanted to draw a sort of fairy tale illustration...nothing more to it actually. 

But on the other hand, I have a feeling I may be doing some more in the future of Horton's little sister...All I have to do is come up with a cutesy name for the little sister.

By the way, Horton's sister is just a half sister or

 maybe 1/10th sister and is a rare breed of elephant...

A Chihuahua Elephant...very rare.

************

How about some rejected DR Seuss Books?

Hot 1 year ago

The Cat in the Blender
Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
Fox in Detox
Who Shat in the Hat?
Horton Hires a Ho
The Flesh-Eating Lorax
How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
Are You My Proctologist?
Yentl the Lentil
My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
Aunts in My Pants
Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
Horton Fakes an Orgasm
The Grinch's Ten Inches
Green Cheese & Spam
Who Flung Goo on Betty Sue?
Come On I Wanna Lay Ya
Russell the One-Eyed Love Muscle
Please Cane Us in the Anus
Blow Blow Til You See it Grow
Feel It, Find It, Pick It, Flick It
Horton Hears His Neighbors In Bed

#No Free Lunch.

                                            # # # # # 
                        Today's headline

Ben Bernanke lunch auctions for $70,500.

 After I saw this headlines it got me to thinking what would it cost to have lunch with these other guys....Now for me if you want to have lunch with me it would just cost you the price of the burger and soda pop.  And unlike these guys, I would actually listen to you.

Ah-ooogah!

************************************************

FAA official: Drone, jetliner nearly collided over Florida

 ***********************************************
Yesterday, May 15th, I was asked by a friend if those were flying propane grills chasing the geese...No those are actually what Amazon delivery drones look like.

"Here's an update on our pal, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. In a new interview, Ford said that he's enjoying rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then the counselors said, 'Actually, this IS a football camp. You wandered in here last night at 3 a.m.' Please leave.'"

 –Jimmy Fallon

 "Yeah, Rob Ford said he likes rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then his parents were like, 'Uh ... that was also rehab.'" 

–Jimmy Fallon

"In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said her guilty pleasure is eating chocolate. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton said his guilty pleasure is being Bill Clinton." 

–Conan O'Brien

Percy's dark side

********************************************

It is amazing to me, as a guy what women have put up with just to look sexy for us males....

Hi Mom, it's your son...hello?

************************************

For some of us Mother's day and Father's day

 can bring on all sorts of depression, rejection 

and other forms of mental disorder.  

Some mothers for example are referred to as helicopter mothers or hovering mothers, who butt into their kids lives and try live vicariously through their kids.  I have known and am related to a few of these women. 

 But by and large, once the kid has left the nest, most mothers

 move on and usually their kids are so wrapped up in their own lives they totally forget they still have a living mother or father...

And then there is the second kind of mother.

This mother rejects the fact they had given birth to the child and that child will never live up to what the mother's vision

 of the perfect son or daughter.  Sometimes they will even go so far as to "adopt" a friend of their own child.

 Mother-in-laws often seem to be this of sort of mother.   

 I have known two such women.  

 And finally there is yet another type of mother.  This mother loves their kids warts and all.  They have prepared them to live their own life on their own terms, with no micro management from her after they have left the nest. 

 I am lucky enough to be married to such a woman.  

She does worry about the her kids 

but is adult enough to know that 

she prepared her kids to make the right decisions 

with their life.  

No matter what type of mother you have in your life, let her know you still love her....Warts and farts and all.

OH DAM!

****************************************************

Life does not stand still and neither does road repairs and new road construction.

Traffic

*****************************************************

I got the idea for this gag while at a store called Pro Bass Shop.  There is a really large fish tank in the store that has about 30 different types of fresh water fish swimming around.  Standing there watching them it seemed to me that they were not unlike a lot of cars on a freeway all moving at the same speed  around and around.  It was almost hypnotic watching them so peaceful and graceful they were.  This store is sort of a tourist attraction for Denver and is what I call a true Adult toy store.

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20 ..00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies," Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

Tweet Tweet Tweet

*********************************

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is apparently 

back smoking the crack. 

There is a picture of him smoking the crack

 and a videotape is out as well. 

Is there a videotape out there of him not smoking crack?"

 –David Letterman

"The crack dealer videotaped him smoking crack. It is a sad state of affairs, ladies and gentlemen, when you can't trust your drug dealer." –David Letterman

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced he's taking a leave of absence to deal with issues related to substance abuse. A video was reportedly shot by his drug dealer. The guy is constantly being taped but never seems to notice the cameras. Is that a side effect of crack?" 

–Jimmy Kimmel

 "Toronto mayor Rob Ford has decided to take a leave of absence to seek help. Specifically what he's seeking help with is getting more crack." 

 –Conan O'Brien 

"After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he's taking a leave of absence, and of course he's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004." 

–Conan O'Brien

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced today that he is checking into rehab. He said he entered rehab this week to deal with the problem swiftly — and also because Monday is Cinco de Mayo, and he ain't missing that." 

–Jimmy Fallon
 

Alderaan

What if there are Rhinos

 on the Star Wars planet of Alderaan? 

 Maybe that is where the light sabers came from...

Star Wars forever

   ******************************************************

Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? 

A: To get to the Dark Side. 

 

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

  There is an old saying that if you can remember the 1960s you were not living during that time.  So if you can remember all the crap you did during a celebration or party you did not live.  Poor old Hedwig went out with those owls from the movie Rango and you know how mariachi musicians are...Party party party.  Here it is Monday and the party is still going on in down town Denver...

That's not how it is done!

                 I have to admit I was inspired for this gag 
                    watching a car insurance commercial....

****************************************
 "Yesterday Russia's deputy prime minister said the White House should revise its sanctions or else his country won't help NASA. And this is true, astronauts will have to start using a trampoline to get to space." 
–Jimmy Fallon
 "Jamaica is reportedly close to passing a measure that would legalize marijuana. Yeah, in Jamaica. Political analysts are calling it a bold move that could change nothing." 
–Jimmy Fallon

З Росії з любов'ю!

 I really can not think of any thing funny to comment on today.

SHOWING OFF.

I got the inspiration for this at the Denver Zoo watching one of the zoo's Rhinoceros showing off for the humans.

.........................................................

How do you spell rhinoce... rinocero... rhinosera...  

How would you know if I spelt it right?

Why do rhinos have horns? 

To tell other animals to get out of the way.

What do you call a rhino without a horn? 

Quiet.

Can rhinos see well? 

Ever seen a rhino with specs?

What did the rhino say to Napoleon Bonaparte?

 Nothing. Rhinos don't speak French. 

 How can you tell that a rhinoceros has been in your fridge?By the footprints in the custard.
Why do rhinos paint their feet yellow? So that they can hide upside-down in the custard.
Did you ever find a rhinoceros in your custard? No? Well, it must work.
How do you know there is a rhinoceros in the oven? You cannot shut the door.
How do you make a rhinoceros float? With two scoops of ice-cream, a bottle of cream soda, and a rhinoceros.