Cat Speak

And all he was trying to say was "Good morning to you."
As they say it is not always the words you use but the way you say them. 
Kinda sorta like telling a joke.

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Two translators on a ship are talking.
"Can you swim?" asks one.
"No" says the other, 

"but I can shout for help in nine languages."
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Two highway workers were busy working

 at a construction site when a big car
with diplomatic license plates pulled up.
"Parlez-vous français?"

 the driver asks them. The two
workers just stared.
"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"

 The two continued to stare at him.
"Fala português?" Neither worker said anything.
"Parlate Italiano?" Still no response.
Finally, the man drives off in disgust.
One worker turned to the other and said,

 "Gee, maybe we should learn a
foreign language..."
"What for? That guy knew four of them 

and what good did it do him?"

getting Bi

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I wonder, if you are having a sexual encounter with someone who speaks 

a different language from yours, would that be a Bi-sexual event?

Moe ( the fat ratcoon) to Milo.  

Milo, do cats have accents depending on where they come from?

Sure, of course, for example:  Good Morning. 

If a cat is French Canadian, he would say Le-Mew

If the cat is from Mexico he would say El-Meow

If the cat were from New York City he would say...YO! Get out of my face Mother-Effer... Mew.

Someone needs sanctuary

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introducing Incognito the turkey on the lamb,

 looking for some sanctuary and maybe a little love....

I will be featuring him every so often

 between now and the day after Thanksgiving 

when he will be free.

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Why did the turkey cross the road? 

To get to the other side (see chicken jokes for more info)

Why do you eat a turkey rather than keep it as a pet? 

Because otherwise it will use fowl language on you.

If pilgrims were alive today, what would they say?

 Do not resuscitate. 

If April shower bring May flowers,

 what do Mayflowers bring? 

Pilgrims and furniture. 

Why don't you let a turkey get near corn?

 Because they will gobble, gobble, gobble it.

What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter? Dead weight. 

What do you call the age of a pilgrim? 

Pilgrimage.

They come in the night

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"Thank heaven Election Day is over.

 No more campaign ads, no more

 mud-slinging, no more candidates

 pretending they're straight. It's over! "

 –Craig Ferguson

"For the first time in history, 

Congress has 100 women in it.

 Congratulations. Welcome to modern times,

 America. It's great having 100 women in Congress.

 Unless you're in line for the congressional bathroom.

" –Craig Ferguson

"It's fantastic that Congress has an increasing

 number of women. Experts call an increasingly

 female presence in a previously

 male space 'the Bruce Jenner effect.'" 

–Craig Ferguson

"Clay Aiken ran for Congress

 in North Carolina. But he didn't make it. 

Clay Aiken is famous for coming in 

second in a TV popularity contest that most

 people got fed up with years ago. 

He also lost on 'American Idol.' "

–Craig Ferguson

Grumpy Kitty

               

    One cat says to the other, " Bet you it smacks him in the face."

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The Cooler

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The idea for this gag came from the movie BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KWAI...

Interesting Questions, Facts, and Information

Bridge on the River Kwai, 

Colonel Saito told Colonel Nicholson that if the bridge was not completed on schedule, he (Saito) would be shamed and have to commit "seppuku", or ritual suicide. What was Nicholson's response to Saito's question of "what would you do if you were me?"


"I'd have to kill myself.". "I supposed if I were you, I'd have to kill myself". While Saito stared in disbelief, Nicholson followed that with a raised shot glass and "Cheers." I always loved that line. Saito was adamant that the British officers must work alongside the enlisted men, in defiance of the Geneva Conventions, to which Nicholson was just as adamantly opposed, in accordance with same. Saito was convinced this was why the work was behind schedule.


During one of the early showdowns between the two opposing commanders (Saito and Nicholson), what was NOT one of the reasons that Colonel Saito, the camp commander, gave for hating the British?


They made jokes that were not funny.. Saito just could not get over the fact that Nicholson would not allow his officers to do manual labor, in defiance of the Geneva Conventions. Saito, in accordance with the Japanese warriors code of Bushido, felt that the Geneva Conventions were a "coward's code".
 
 
 Times were way different for the Japanese back in those days.  World War II may have been the last "Gentleman's War".  Back then we actually fought for God and Country and fought other nations most civilized I would think.  Today, we are fighting an idea and nothing more.  How can you fight an idea?

Yo YO We're Bad.

 

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"Washington, D.C., voted to legalize 

recreational marijuana. Vice President Joe Biden 

celebrated quietly at home, contemplating the

 infinite nature of the universe."

 –Jimmy Kimmel

"Imagine Washington, D.C. If you thought Congress 

didn't get a lot of work done before, 

just wait until they get legal pot."

 –Jimmy Kimmel