They come in the night

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"Thank heaven Election Day is over.

 No more campaign ads, no more

 mud-slinging, no more candidates

 pretending they're straight. It's over! "

 –Craig Ferguson

"For the first time in history, 

Congress has 100 women in it.

 Congratulations. Welcome to modern times,

 America. It's great having 100 women in Congress.

 Unless you're in line for the congressional bathroom.

" –Craig Ferguson

"It's fantastic that Congress has an increasing

 number of women. Experts call an increasingly

 female presence in a previously

 male space 'the Bruce Jenner effect.'" 

–Craig Ferguson

"Clay Aiken ran for Congress

 in North Carolina. But he didn't make it. 

Clay Aiken is famous for coming in 

second in a TV popularity contest that most

 people got fed up with years ago. 

He also lost on 'American Idol.' "

–Craig Ferguson