What's up Doc?

A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me,

 I keep thinking I'm getting smaller!"

Doctor replies, "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

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"Doctor, what does it mean when someone has tiny pupils?--It could mean she's a kindergarten teacher."

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An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!