Figure Skating

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"The Olympics are winding down in Sochi, and the Russian Olympic Committee says one of the giant Olympic rings that malfunctioned during the opening ceremony will be working for the closing ceremony. So it looks like Russia will be ready for the start of the Winter Olympics by the END of the Winter Olympics." 

–Jimmy Fallon

"Two former members of the Russian punk band Pussy Riot were detained by police in Sochi. If found guilty, they could be sentenced to two weeks in a Sochi hotel room." 
                                            –Conan O'Brien
           "What's the point to two men for a luge event? 
        Why not three or four? Why not stack them up?
                         Imagine 15 guys piled up."                                 
                                        –Jimmy Kimmel