Getting carried away.

 

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 "There are 12 new events in this year's Winter Olympics, 12. 

The new events include 

women's ski jumping, luge-team relay, and finding a working toilet."

 –Conan O'Brien

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 "I guess it isn't going well over there. In fact, I heard there's even a shortage of pillows. The shortage is so bad that visitors are being asked to give their pillows to the Olympic athletes, because there's nothing more comforting than waking up in Russia to see a stranger coming at you with a pillow.

 'How was your sleep, Mr. Bond?'" 

–Jimmy Fallon

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 "Tomorrow night the Olympics begin from Sochi. A lot of people over there say the hotels stink. The problem is there are only three hotels in Sochi. Of course, you have the Ritz Chernobyl. You have the Sheraton Gulag. And really the best one over there, The Two Seasons."

 –David Letterman
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"The hotels are lousy. The Olympic village is a mess. The food is horrible. And, well, that's what happens when you tick off gay people." 

–David Letterman

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"This is the last night Jay Leno is hosting 'The Tonight Show.' Good luck, Jay. The lesson here is if you work hard and succeed, someday you will be fired."

 –Craig Ferguson

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