It was a dark and stormy night...

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"The heroic New York doctor who caught Ebola 

has been declared Ebola free. 

President Obama called the doctor to thank 

him for his selflessness and compassion. 

Then to be safe, Obama threw his phone in a trash can and lit it on fire." –Jimmy Fallon

  "At the economic summit in China, 

Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with 

the first lady of China. Then again, 

Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries. " 

–Conan O'Brien

 "Once you're president, you can't go 

anywhere without causing trouble.

 President Obama shows up in China, 

he's chewing gum, they go crazy.

 A big stink because the president's chewing gum. 

And you think, the Chinese are so easygoing

 about human rights. What's the problem?" 

–David Letterman

"Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, 

not a problem. Torture, not a problem. 

Chewing gum in China — 

oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum."

–David Letterman