Chapter 3 Leonard Badowski

Chapter 3

November 1, 2011

10:00am

Sheldon Franks,  Under-Under secretary in charge of BROWN BEARS OF NORTH AMERICA POPULATION AND MATING (BNAPM) of the Department of the Interior of the United States Federal Government, was as excited as a man could be.  He was about to meet with his boss, the Upper-Under secretary in charge of BROWN BEARS OF NORTH AMERICA POPULATION AND MATING (BNAPM).

After Ivan and his wife Nickie left Sheldon’s home the prior night, Sheldon rushed to his secure office in the basement of his Falls Church, Virginia home. Sitting at his computer he commenced to create the most important document of his entire life time. The Strategic Operations Plan he spent the next six hours writing, was a master piece and he was sure that his boss, GS-12 Leonard Sadowski would be very pleased with his foresight and initiative.  He was quite sure no one else in the department had the connections he had or the foresight to bring honor and glory to the department’s image.

“You may go in now Mister Franks”, murmured Poppie, Leonard Badowski’s secretary.

Entering his boss’s office for the very first time, Sheldon saw that Badowski’s office was 25% larger than his own meager office in the sub-sub basement of the Old Patent office.  His office had no windows and his desk seemed like a reject from an Army Navy store.  Mister Badowski’s office on the other hand had a small window up near the ceiling and instead of the one light that Sheldon had for illumination, this office was lighted by two lights. 

“Rank has its privilege, I suppose,” thought GS-7 Sheldon Franks.

“What can I do for you, Franks?  You have two minutes to explain what is on your mind. Time is money and I am working on a very important project and can not waste a second on any ding bat idea you may have come up on your own.  Shit flows down hill Franks, not up hill. Understand what I am saying?”

GS-12 Leonard Badowski: retired Army, he had reached the rank of Major after 20 years Army duty (Leonard Badowski had been pissed off for a really long time.  The damn Lieutenant-Colonel promotion board had promoted that jerkwater, Abner Merriweather over him.  What had Merriweather done besides marry that Senator's daughter and served two tours of direct combat duty in Afghanistan and had earned that frigging Bronze Star?  Damn Merriweather and all his connections.)

While in the Army, Major Badowski had never been in combat or even seen duty outside the United States.  For the last five years of his Army career he had been the Fun & Games Moral officer at Schofield Barracks in Hawaii.  After he had retired five years ago, he and his wife Poppie had moved to Wolf Trap, Maryland.  With his connections made during his twenty years in the Army, he was able to land this current post with the Department of Interior. 

Frigging Bears? GS-12 Leonard Badawski hated the mangy flea bags.  Weren't they always stealing tourist's picnic baskets and causing all sorts of trouble in some place called Jellystone National Park.  He could still remember watching documentaries of Jellystone Park as a kid.  Must be somewhere out West some place.

When was the last time Leonard Badwski ever seen a bear in person? What did he care that some brown bears are black and some black bears are brown. 

All GS-12 Leonard Badowski knew was that if he could come up with some new federal program, with his name on it, just maybe he could be get promoted from his present GS-12 to GS-13 and moved out of this dinky little hell hole down here in the basement where no one knew he was still alive.  The promotion would bring a bigger office and a better desk and maybe a window that he look out of.  But what were the chances of some new Wiz Bang project that would catch the imagination of the nation would simply fall into his lap?

“Mister Badowski, my name is Sheldon Franks and it has come to my attention that the Russians are starting a TOP  SECRET program with their East Siberian Brown Bears.” 

“So What?  Why the hell, should I care what the Russkies are up to.  Damn Comnie Pinkos!”

“Well Sir, they may be able to win the Nobel Peace Prize for this project.”

“Nobel Peace Prize you say.  Hmmm.  I have heard of that. It sounds like a big deal. “

“Yes Sir!  They may even be able to get big funding from the World Wild Life Federation for this project.”

“No Shit!  That would mean they could do this project of theirs and not tap into any Government money.  I like that!”

“Yes sir.  Their scientists have proof that the East Siberian Brown Bear or Ursus Arctos Collaris, is on the verge of extinction.”

“Extinction you say.  Hmmm, I guess that is a bad thing.  What are these Russkies planning on doing about it?”

“They have come up with a Smart phone for the bears and are training the bears to use them to find food, locate female bears in heat and the bears are going to be able to be used along the Russian borders and report to the Army if the country is invaded by land or sea.”

“No Shit!  That is just plain crazy man! We could use bears along the Mexican and stop all those illegals from invading our own country!  How in the world did you get this information?”

“Well Sir I have my secret source in the Russian Embassy.”

“Russian Embassy?  What are you Franks, a GS-10?”

“No Sir.  I am just a GS-7, but I have tried to make friends with people that I think may be useful for the security and safety of our nation.”

“Sure sure.  Do you have any plans of your own in writing that I could read over and see if maybe the Good Old US of A may be able to stick it to those damn Commies at their own game?”

“Yes sir.  Right here.”

Sheldon handed the computer disc with his plans on it to his boss and smugly settled back into the chair. 

“Okay Franks, tell you what, let me give this to Doctor Raj Ratatatji,  my resident Bear expert and see what he thinks.”

“Very good sir.  I guess I will head back to my desk and see if I can get some worked done before lunch.”

“Tell you what, Franks, why don’t you take the rest of the day off and take your wife out to dinner tonight.” 

Handing Sheldon a government credit card, GS-12 Leonard Badowski smiled a funny little smile and said, “My treat.”       

                                     TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW