No Bear Left Behind

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER!

The following story is fiction and nothing more.  No persons in this story are real and no animals have been harmed in writing this story.  So don't get your knickers in a knot.  

                                                         NO BEAR LEFT BEHIND

                                                                  Chapter One 

   On October 25, 2011 after reading an article in People magazine about the Russian top secret science project involving the Siberian Brown bears. Sheldon Franks (Second cousin twice removed of Barney Franks), became concerned that since the United States had no top secret science project concerning the North American Brown Bears, the Russians were already ahead of the United States in doing, "Whatever the Hell those Damn Russkies were up to."  

Since Sheldon Franks government title was: US Department of the interior under-under secretary in charge of  BROWN BEARS OF NORTH AMERICA POPULATION AND MATING (BNAPM), he had every reason to be concerned that the Russian may be on the verge of making the Russian Brown Bear dominent in some way to the American Brown Bear.  "There ain't no way any Russian Bear is going to be better in some form than that of a good Red Blooded American Brown Bear."

If his boss, the Upper-Under Secretary of the United States Department of the Interior, got wind of this new wrinkle in East-West "Hand of Friendship" program that those guys over in the State Department had started last year, he would come unglued and heads would roll. 

Calling his secretary, Bobbie, into his office, he instructed her to find out all she could about this Top Secret program the Russkies had going on with their brown bears and, "By God...If they can have a Top Secret Brown Bear Project, we Americans will too!!  There is no way any old Russky is going to beat us to the goal line and score any points while I am on my watch!  No siree Bob!"

After Bobbie left with Sheldon's instructions, Sheldon picked up the phone and called his good friend Ivan Ivanovich, at Russian Tours R Us.  Sheldon had known for several years now that Ivan was really a Russian spy and was able to get lots of information from Ivan on an off the record way.

   "Ivan Ivanovich, See Russia with us at Russian Tours R Us"

   "Ivan, Sheldon here."

   "Sheldon, you old Capitialistic pig you!  How is the family?  We really need to have another BBQ and solve some more world problems over some good Vodka, heh?"

    "Family is great, Shelly Junior is out at University of Colorado studying micro biology and Sally is getting married to some jerk next June...You guys don't intend on invading any countries next June are you?"

    "Sheldon, Sheldon, I keep telling you...I am a simple American business man and a good Republican.  I no longer have anything to do with my former country."

    "Sure sure...Anyway, Ivan, today I read about a top secret Russian project that has something to do with the Russian Brown Bears in People magazine..Any idea what is going on?"

    "Top Secret Russian project reported in People Magazine?  Pure Fantasy."

    "Are you sure?"

    "Sheldon my good corrupt American bureaucrat, how long have we know each other, twenty years at least.  Have I ever told you nothing but the truth?"

    "Well, Ivan you old Filthy Commie, if you hear anything could you give me a heads up?"

    "Sheldon, I am but a simple American small business man who is just trying to make a small living for me and my little family so that we can live the American Dream.  If I hear anything you will be the very first person I tell, Okay?"

    "Well I guess that is about as much as I can ask for.  Hey Ivan, how about you and your family come on over next Sunday to watch the Redskins and Broncos..We'll drink some beer and have some fun."

   "Sounds good my friend.  I'll have Nickie, make up some killer guacamole and we will make a party of it."

   "So Nickie did not divorce your butt, after that thing with the bar girl down in Atlantic City last month?"

   "Nickie divorce me??? I don't think so!!!   But I have not checked my mail today,  ha-ha ha.  We shall see you next Sunday my good friend."

Later that day, Bonnie returned with a young black guy who was built like a line backer for the Chicago Bears.  There was a slight bulge under his suite coat that Sheldon took for a shoulder harnessed pistol.  

   "Mister Franks, this is Ronald Hooks".

Hooks flashed out a wallet with a badge and said, "Mister Franks, I am from the FBI and this morning you were intercepted calling an American citizen by the name of Ivan Ivanonvitch, can you explain your relationship with Mister Ivanovitch?"

    "Ivan and I are simply just very old friends and I invited him to my home to watch a football game next Sunday, why?"

    "We have been monitoring Mister Ivan Ivanovich for unamerican activities and possible spying for his former home land."

    "Ivan a spy? Highly unlikely! After all he is a good American small business owner and a Republican."

    "Be that as it may sir.  I just think you need to know what you are dealing with here and be very careful."

    "Well thank you for the heads up, Mister Hooks."

                                   -  TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW -