CHAPTER 9 MORE HANDS IN THE PIE

CHAPTER 9

MORE HANDS IN THE PIE

KUSA CHANNEL 9

DENVER COLORADO

MONDAY DECEMBER 26, 2011

“Hey Mark you got another love letter from Jon Doe.”

“I thought Christmas was over!” Exclaimed Mark Koebrich, the morning Anchor on the local NBC affiliate.

“The poor guy, I almost feel sorry for the poor guy.  How many of those envelopes has he sent you in the past year Mark?” asked his co-anchor,   Adele Arakawa.

“It seems like I get one of these things once a month.  Well let’s take a look at what bad and evil things the government is up to today.

Opening the envelope several pieces of paper slid out onto the table.  They appeared to be computer print outs.  One of the printouts looked like it was from Wikipedia and others looked like maps and yet another was a news story from Russia about the East Siberian Brown Bear.

“Looks like Jon Smith wants to give us some back ground on the Russian Brown Bears,” stated Mark .  Picking up what looked like a copy of a proposed congressional legislation with a title HB 1542 THE NO BEARS LEFT BEHIND CONGRESSIONAL BILL. 

“I think I remember hearing Al Gore giving a speech about that a little while back.  He was saying that the Great American Brown Bear, as he is quoted as saying was on the verge of extinction and the cause was of course, “Man Made Global Warming”.  Commented Adele.

“Maybe Jon Doe has finally stumbled onto something,” Observed Mark as he started to put the papers back into the envelope.  As he did he fished out a type written paper that appeared to come from Jon Doe’s own typewriter. 

“It looks like old Jon is getting a little paranoid, using a typewriter instead of a computer for his correspondence.”  Said Mark with a smile and a shake of his head.  “I’ll check this stuff out when I get home tonight and see if there is anything we can use.”

The Rayburn House Office Building

Basement meeting room 114-B2

Tuesday December 27, 2011

8am

US Rep Jared Plotis-D Colorado, picked up the document in front of him once again and read it rapidly to make sure what he had read the first time made any more sense to him the second time.  “What a bunch of crap,” Congressman Jared Plotis thought to himself. “I wonder if I can make this piece of shit a little more interesting.”

Sitting across the conference table was US Rep Robert Sherman-D California.  Congress Robert Sherman was suffering from stomach aches and a killer of a headache.  “Wonder if I am coming down with some kind of bug?”  He thought to himself as he stared blank eyed at the documents in front of him.  “What an ungodly hour for a frigging meeting, I wonder if there is any chocolate covered donuts left after that jerk from Chicago got his fat fingers around that one he is filling his God Damn pie hole with?” 

Next to the honorable congressman from California was US Rep Anna Escho-D California and she was whispering in the ear of Mike Thompsen-D California.  “I wonder what is going on with those two?” Wondered US Rep Robert Sherman, of Berkley, California.  “I bet they are planning to attach some stuff on this stupid No Bear Left Behind bill.  What a dumb name for a new congressional action.  No bear left behind?  It sounds like something to do with Education, are we going to start sending big old brown bears to college?  Sounds like someone is gonna make some money on the side on this one.  I best put in my two cents worth or else what is the purpose of me coming down here on this God for saken cold day.  God Damn I feel like Crap warmed over!”

Just then, US Rep Donald Lipinski-D Chicago Il, cleared banged his gavel onto the table and said so that everyone could hear.  “This first hearing of HB 1542 the NO BEARS LEFT BEHIND, is called to order.” Turning his head to his right he continued,”Hector Gutierrez will read the bill to this committee, after which we shall discuss the merits of this piece of legislation.”

After US Rep Hector Gutierrez-D Chicago IL had finished reading the four page bill he sat down and US Rep Donald Lipinski continued. 

“The total budgeted amount for this bill is Ten Million Dollars.  Ten Million Dollars!  How can we justify holding a committee meeting with ELEVEN United States Congressional Representatives for a measly sum of only TEN MILLION DOLLARS.  Are there any suggestions from the floor?”

US Rep John Tunny-D Mass. Raised his hand and cleared his throat.

“Yes John, what would be your suggestion?”

“The Bill is only four pages long and from what I have read there is no new regulations or Taxes to pay for this appropriation.  The bill is really quite popular with the American public; no one wants to see any more bears going extinct in our lifetime.  From what I hear, the Russians have all but stopped their East Siberian Brown Bears from going extinct with their own version of a “Bear Paw.”  I say that if the Russian can do it we have to do it as well.  Just saving the Brown Bears from Extinction is commendable but what if that is all we plan on doing here, we may as well stay home and watch some day time TV.”

US Rep Donald Lipinski looked around the table and rubbed his chin to give the impression of thoughtful repose.  John Tunny has made an excellent argument for the expansion of  HB 1542 the No Bears Left Behind Act.  I motion that we table this committee meeting until January 9, 2012 at 9am.

Continued tomorrow.