Thursday, November 28, 2013

That sucker will never fly!

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Actually the Turkey would make a perfect mascot for the Obama Care, neither one can fly and so full of crap they will die of all the extra weight.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

REPENT!

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PETA says that today's turkeys are being bred to have such large breasts, they're dying of heart attacks. I don't want to be insensitive, but that's still better than getting your head chopped off.
Jay Leno

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This year Thanksgiving and the first day of Hanukkah are on the same day. I'm no theologian, but I think what that means is eight days of leftovers.
David Letterman
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 Getting Big Bird ready to be stuffed for tomorrows dinner.

 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

A Wrecking Ball.

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This will probably make absolutely no sense to you.  It makes about as much sense as the new stuff they are passing off as rock and roll and movies and books and poetry and Obama Care.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Ploop!

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An 80-year-old man moved to a new city and joined a new country club. When he first showed up at the club, a lot of its members looked at him eagerly: an old man, someone we can win some money from!
The 80-year-old man did nothing to dispel their reactions. "I hit the ball pretty good," he said, "but I have a lot of trouble getting out of deep bunkers."
"Aha!" thought the whippersnappers. "Our course doesn't have many deep bunkers, but there are tons of shallow ones and if he struggles getting out of the sand, we'll take his money for sure."
When the 80-year-old showed up for his first round at his new course, Harvey was waiting. "Would you like to play?" he asked the old man. "And maybe we can make it interesting - what do you say, put a little money on it?"
The 80-year-old agreed and he and Harvey set out to play. "How many strokes do you need?" asked Harvey, who was only 55. "Oh, I don't need any strokes," the old man said, "my game is really good. The only problem I'm having right now is getting out of deep bunkers."
Harvey was a pretty good player, but the old man was really good. He was striping the ball. If not for Harvey's 25-year age advantage, the old man would have been far ahead.
The old man even hit the ball great on a couple bunker shots. "Hmmm," Harvey thought, "he said he had trouble out of deep bunkers, and we haven't really got to one of those yet ... just be patient, I know he'll find one of the deep bunkers around the 17th green."
Sure enough, Harvey and the old man reached the par-3 17th hole tied, and the old man promptly put his tee ball right smack in the middle of the big, deep bunker in front of the green.
"I've got him now!" Harvey thought.
The 80-year-old slid down into the bunker and took his stance over the ball. Then he took a perfect swing and floated the ball up out of the bunker. It hit perfectly on the fringe, took one little hop and rolled to within two feet of the cup before stopping.
Harvey had seen enough. "Dang it!" he shouted at the old man, who was still in the bunker. "I thought you said you had a lot of trouble getting out of deep bunkers!"
"Oh, I do," the 80-year-old said, reaching out to Harvey. "Can you give me a hand?"

Friday, November 22, 2013

A hole in one.

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A man and his wife are playing the fifth hole at their club when he slices his drive so far to the right it rolls into an equipment barn. He finds the ball and plans to take a drop when she says, "Let me go down to the other end of the barn and hold the door open. Then you can hit your ball through the door and back to the fairway."

He thinks this is a good idea, so she holds the door. He takes a big swing, but rather than flying through the door, the ball hits her in the head and kills her.

A year later, the same man and his new bride are playing the same hole when he again slices the ball into the shed. He finds it and plans to take an unplayable lie when she says, "Let me go down to the other end of the barn and hold the door open. Then you can hit your ball through the door and back to the fairway."

He looks at her, shakes his head, and explains, "No way. The last time I tried that, I took a triple bogey on this hole!" 
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As a couple approaches the altar, the groom tells his wife-to-be, "Honey, I've got something to confess: I'm a golf nut, and every chance I get, I'll be playing golf!"

"Since we're being honest," replies the bride, "I have to tell you that I'm a hooker."

The groom replies, "That's okay, honey. You just need to learn to keep your head down and your left arm straight!"

 
 

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Don't mind me, I am just passing through.

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Jesus and Moses are playing golf in Heaven when they come to the par-three 17th hole, a long carry over water to an island green. Moses tees off with a 3-wood and hits the green. Jesus takes out his 5-iron and says, "I'm going to hit a 5-iron because Arnold Palmer would hit a 5-iron from here."

Jesus tees it up and hits a lofted iron shot that finishes 25 yards short of the green and in the water.

Jesus turns to Moses and says, "How about parting the water so I can play my ball where it lies?"

Moses says, "No way. You foolishly chose the wrong club because of your Arnold Palmer fantasy and I'm not going to be a party to it!"

Jesus shrugs and starts walking on the water to where his ball went in. Just then, a foursome approaching the tee box sees Jesus walking on the water.

One of them asks Moses, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"

Moses turns and says, "No, he thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Fore!


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"Bad day at the course," a guy tells his wife. "Charlie had a heart attack on the third hole."
"That's terrible!" she says.
"You're telling me," the husband replies. "All day long, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie." 
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A married couple played golf together everyday.
One day the man and his wife were on the first tee of their local course. He was on the white tee and she was waiting in front of him by the ladies tee.
He teed off and caught the ball perfectly; unfortunately it hit his wife smack in the back of the head killing her instantly.
She fell face down on the tee, didn't know what hit her.
They had an inquest on the wife's death, the coroner said it was clear how she died, she was killed by a golf ball, and that there was a perfect imprint of a golf ball on the back of her head.
The husband said, "Yes, that was my ball"
The coroner then went on to say that he was a bit concerned to find a ball inserted up the woman's backside, and could the husband throw some light on this?
The husband said, "Oh that must have been my provisional. I wondered where it went."  


Sunday, November 17, 2013

It's a guy thing

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A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV 
when he suddenly yells, “Don’t enter that church, 
you damn fool !!!”
His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”
Husband replies, “Our blooming wedding video”
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I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper”
“Don’t be silly,” she said “You can borrow my iPad”
That spider never knew what f**k hit it.
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 "IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." 
This last entry basically sums up the direction of this blog for the next couple months or longer.   
Women can not understand why men or boys do such dumb things, Well, as one guy who did a dumb thing when asked why he climbed Mount Everest replied,"Because it was there." 
 


























Saturday, November 16, 2013

Now that is one big ball!

















Bet you did not know that the North Park Black Tailed 
Prairie Dogs are really big Denver Bronco football fans. 
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Top 10 Reasons you might be a Redneck Sports Fan if . . .

10. You've ever been shirtless at a freezing football game.

9. Your carpet used to be part of a football field.

8. Your basketball hoop used to be a fishing net.

7. There's a roll of duct tape in your golf bag.

6. You know the Hooter's menu by heart.

5. Your mama is banned from the front row at wrestling matches.

4. Your bowling team has it's own fight song.

3. You think the "Bud Bowl" is real.

2. You wear a baseball cap to bed.

1. You've ever told your bookie "I was just kidding".

Friday, November 15, 2013

yack yack yack


































Sometimes I feel like my wife and I are the only people in the entire world who do not have a cell phone or smart phone permanently attached to our hand in public. 
Dining out, in the mall even on hikes, everyone seems to be hunched over their smart phone.  There is even a name for that posture: http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/20/health/mobile-society-neck-pain/
What did people do before the smart phone kept them in constant contact with Facebook friends and their real friends and family? 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Stampede.


















Last week end were at a museum and I saw this little girl hopping around while wearing a pair of those flashing light shoes and automatically thought of a kangaroo wearing those shoes.  One kangaroo?  Why not a whole bunch of them.  What a sight that would be.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

HAPPY BIRTHDAY USMC



Up Up and Away!



































                                                                                                                    
 And of course the pilot's name is Bill Kirk.





Saturday, November 9, 2013

Talking Trash.


































I will be sticking with these Dewey cartoons for the foreseeable future.  They may include other cartoon characters I have been developing along the way but the concept will be a cross between the Twilight zone, Adams Family and the Farside.  
Usually they do tend to stretch the boundaries of nature and reality but that is the fun part.

Today we spent part of the day at the Denver Museum of nature and history with our grand kids.  From that little outing came about 10 gags that will be filling this cyber space pages in the coming days.
Tonight the grand kids (5 & 3) are staying the night while their mom and dad have some alone time together.
So until tomorrow TTFN.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Guido the flying squirrel


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This is the second part of the cartoon I did yesterday.
Sometimes little pencil neck geeks can be just as much a bully as a 300 pound Miami Dolphin NFL player.   
Moral to this little story, do not mess with a bear who is getting ready to hibernate for the Winter.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

where did it go?

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Nothing like having someone at our front door just when you  are taking a shower.


THIS WILL BE CONTINUED TOMORROW.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Here comes the band.

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A little army would of course have a little Army band.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Now that was fun?

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This comes from an old Roger Miller song " You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd."  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj2daexBhgI

Saturday, November 2, 2013

HUBBA HUBBA!

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What do you call a smurf with his pants down? 
A blue moon. 

Why do smurfs laugh when they walk through the grass?
 It tickles their balls. 

What do you get when you cross a smurf with a cow? 
Blue Cheese. 


I tried to find a joke starting off with:
Three Smurfs walk into a bar....and could not find one on the internet...there has to be one out there in cyber space some where.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Another dropped call.

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