Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Falling Rock, Colorado.

Today we are going camping up by Rocky Mountain National Park.  Camping is an optimal word in this case in that we just purchased a tent trailer land no longer will be sleeping on the ground in a tent.  We also will be staying a couple nights in a tourist type camp grounds just outside of the town of Estes Park.  
Traveling through the Colorado mountains you will continually encounter signs that say "Falling Rock" and over the years many cars have been crushed by Falling boulders the size of Greyhound buses, when this happens it can really ruin one's day.  At the same time we laugh at the signs with silly comments about how big  Falling Rock Colorado must be and "best break out the rock umbrella." "The striped one or the pokadot one?"
Anyway this is a small price for spending time in our favorite place in the entire world,  the Rocky Mountains.
This is a short break from my story No Bears Left Behind, since we won't be back to Denver for a few days and in order to write fiction creatively it is best not to have one's thoughts on other things.
Today I am introducing the average American family road trip tourists.  They are the Harvey family and they come from Flatland USA Topeka, Kansas.  Actually I am sort of surprised there are still people living in Kansas in that it seems like they have all moved to Denver.  Everyone in Colorado seems to have migrated from somewhere else and as such takes a wee bit of time getting used to driving in our mountains.  No guard rails and lots of wild critters blocking the highways can be a real learning experience. 
Anyway, today's cartoon is actually a continuation of yesterday's cartoon. 

Tuesday, May 29, 2012



0130 HOURS
JAN.  7, 2012
Location: A farm
Weld County, Colorado.
Mark Koebrich of Channel 9 News Denver Colorado, finished repelling down from the hovering helicopter, he was amazed to find that Sidney Walzenheimer (Jon Doe) was all alone in the ware house.  Sidney was tied to a chair that was suspended off the floor with a burlap bag over his head.  Surrounding Sidney was an array of electronic sound machines and the sounds coming from them sounded something like pigs, squealing and bodies being thrown around a muddy room.  Next to one of the sound machines was a table with an assortment of knives, cork screws, ice picks and pincher tools.  To Mark it looked like someone had been torturing Sidney, but why would they want to torture this poor little man?
At that moment Gregg Moss of KUSA News landed on his feet after repelling down the rope from the hovering news Chopper and holding a large flash light in one hand and his pistol in the other walked over to Mark and the both of them managed to lower Sidney down to the floor.  Gregg found Sidney’s clothes while Mark untied Sidney and removed the burlap bag from his head. 
“Oh My God!  They were just about ready to kill me!   What happened to all the pigs that were just here?  There must have been several hundred of them and they were going to eat me alive.”
“No pigs and no body here but us chickens Jon.”  Said Mark
“But it was so real!  They even bit me on my leg.” Said Sidney, as he pointed to the wounds on his legs.
Holding up a pincher tool, Mark shook his head and said, “It looks like they only wanted you to think they wanted to kill you.  Anyway who ever it was is long gone.”
“Jon, why don’t you get dressed and Gregg and I will discuss what we should do next.”
Pulling Gregg to the side, Mark nodded to Sidney (Jon),”It looks like we are going to have to put Jon Doe into some sort of hiding until we can figure who the good guys are.  If Al Gore’s Secret Service detachment was doing this; who can tell what other law enforcement agency is involved.”
“What if we put him up at the same place we hid the space alien last year?”
“That would be perfect.  Boy that was an interesting weekend.  Too bad we couldn’t do a story on him but a promise is a promise.  Hopefully we got it all cleaned up after his “people” came and got him.”
“Okay then, it is decided.  Let’s get Jon Doe or whatever his real name is out of here before his friends come back and find we aren’t the “Law” and cause us any more problems.”
“Jon,” Mark said,” Gregg here is going to take you to a secure place where those guys won’t be able to find you for awhile.”
“What about my mother?”
“What about your mother?”
“What if they go after my mother to get to me?”
“Where’s your mom?”
“I live with her, she depends on me for stuff and if they hurt her I would simply die!”
“Okay, tell you what Jon, by the way is that your real name?”
“My real name is Sidney Walzenheimer.”
“Okay Sidney,” Mark said smiling, “Gregg will take you to get your mom and then to our secure location.”
“But Sidney one word of caution, for this to work, you can not tell anyone where you are until we get this thing sorted out.”
At that moment a voice came over the radio Gregg Moss had on his back.
“What?  Oh great!” Gregg exclaimed into the mike.
“We’ve got company coming!  Four black Suburbans less than a mile away.  We have to go now!”

0500 hours
Jan 7, 2012
Room 214
Brown Palace Hotel
Denver, Colorado
Al Gore was pacing back and forth when his cell phone rang giving him a start.
 “Is that any way to address the person who is going to make you very rich?” asked Al Gore’s silent partner.
“I am already rich.  Did your people take care of that shit head’s mother?”
“Don’t I always come through for you?  Not to worry your Lilly white ass off.  The message we left the little piss ant will be loud and clear. Knowing his dear old mother is burned up like a crispy critter will tell him he is next.”
“By the way, did you know that he had some sort of “Command Bunker or Center” in the basement of his mother’s house.  Full of all sorts of survival gear and enough riffles to equip a squad of Navy Seals.  There was even a dart board on one of the walls and guess whose picture he was using as the bull’s eye?”
“Okay who was he using as the Bulls eye?”
“It was a picture of you!  Now you have to admit that is funny!  Anyway we moved all the computers and weapons and files out of the basement before we torched the place.”

Sunday, May 27, 2012


JAN.  6, 2012
Location: A farm
Weld County, Colorado.
The silence was deafening to Sidney Walzenheimer, AKA, Jon Doe, as he sat in the chair with the burlap bag over his head.  Sidney had never been more scared for his life than at this moment.  Never in his life had he felt so alone and afraid.  The smell of the burlap bag made him feel all itchy and even though he knew it was near freezing where ever he was sitting great globs of sweat pored down his fore head and down his back.  Taking great gulps of air in an attempt to settle his fast beating heart, the bag became stuck to his mouth and became more and more soggy. 
“I want my Mom!” Thought Sidney, “What are they gonna do to me?  I bet no one has a clue where I am and no one will ever find my body after they have finished killing me.  God I hope it ain’t too painful.  God!  What is that smell I keep smelling?  It smell like pig shit.”
The metal clang of large door seemed to echo around the room he was being held in and a large gust of freezing air came and swirled around Sidney Walzenheimer’s bare legs. 
“My clothes, where are my clothes?” Screamed Sidney Aka Jon Doe.
Still no one said a word and it was at that point that Sidney discovered his feet could not touch the floor or ground.  Sidney started to shake and the sweat continued to poor from every pore on his body and it seemed like the sweat was starting to freeze to his body. 
“God, it is so fucking cold!” thought Sidney
The sound of a large door opening and clanging shut again and now Sidney could hear the grunting and slurping sounds of lots of pigs.   Were they under him?  It almost sounded like they were all around him and the smell of the pigs were more than he could bair. They almost souned like they were fighting over something.
Suddenly Sidney felt the pain of something biting him on his leg! 
“Noooooo! Stop it!  I don’t want to die, make them stop!”  Screamed Sidney
Another nip ripped into Sidney’s left calf and drew blood.  The pain was exhilarating and Sidney felt like he was about to pass out. 
“Don’t pass out, Sidney; the fun hasn’t even started yet.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because I hate you, Sidney Walzenheimer and I don’t think you deserve to live any longer.”
The smell of sweat, salt, pig shit and urine swelled up under Sidney and he had the feeling he was being turned over so that he would soon be upside down.
The sounds from beneath Sidney sounded like there must be hundreds of large angry starving pigs fighting over the position of being the first to take a rip into Sidney’s face.  The other sounds Sidney could make out were bodies sliding around in mud and bodies thumping into bodies. He felt so fucking cold and it seemed as though they must have left the door to the room wide open and the cold winds must be blowing in from the North Pole it’s self.  Sidney’s joints felt on fire and his fingers and toes were going numb from the excruciation painful freezing cold air.  Now his head was below his torso and he could tell his face was coming closer and closer to gaping jaws of the wild starving pigs below him.  The snapping and biting sounds from below kept getting closer and closer as his head kept being lowered.
“What do you know of Lone Tree A V, Sidney?”
“Nothing, I know nothing, I swear to God!  Please, I don’t want to die!”
“Well, Sidney, you are going to die but it just depends do you die by my little piggies here or do you let me take you out really fast.”  Said the voice followed by the sound of a pistol being cocked with a large click.
“All I know is that the American Brown Bears are not dieing out and Al Gore is lieing to everyone.  I don’t want to die!  Just let me go and I will keep my mouth shut and not say a word to anyone!  I Swear to God!!  I am too young to die; my mother needs me to take care of her!  Let me go and I will do what ever you want.  Please, I don’t want to die!”
“Oh come on Sidney, you couldn’t keep your mouth shut about anything and you damn well know it.  Didn’t you write a blog article about how the Health Care law was going to bank rupt the country even though the information you had you created your self?  Didn ‘t you write another blog article about President Obama having a secret love child with some slut from Brazil as well as the article you wrote about Vice President Biden actually being born in Canada.  Are you for real Sidney, you pathetic piece of shit.  Rumor has it that you sit in your command bunker every night picking your nose almost having sexual orgasims while reading other blogs about Opra Winfrey and Michale Moore.  You are one sick piece of work Sidney!  Are you a Homosexual Sidney?  I bet you sometimes prance around in you mother’s granny panties don’t you Sidney?   Are you a transsexual Sidney or just a Homosexual wanna be.  After all, what   man, even a fag would want to suck on your pathetic little dick Sidney?”
The pain in Sidney’s legs was starting to burn and it felt like his legs were on fire.  
Whoosh!  Sidney suddenly realized something just flew past his nose and all of a sudden an explosion ripped through the air to his left.  Loud popping and pinging sounds seemed to be happening all around him. The explosions were accompanied by large flashes of light like lightening and even though the burlap bag over Sidney’s head kept out most of the light surrounding him, Sidney could make out what seemed to be a large light cutting through the dark of the room.
A load explosion over Sidney’s head got his attention followed by a voice coming from a load speaker.
“Al Gore this is Mark Koebrich of Channel 9 news, we are life to the world and my only question to you sir is: What are you doing to that man?”

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Chapter 11 Jon Doe meets his Nemesis



January 6, 2012

Denver Post headlines:  Etna Volcano in Sicily Erupts on

Lindsay Auditorium,

 University of Denver

 Denver Colorado
As former Vice President Al Gore looked over the half filled auditorium he was thinking to him self “Don’t these Hill Billies care about global warming?  Where is everyone?”
Every since the former Vice President saw the headlines in the morning news paper he knew exactly how to handle his speech tonight.  “Global Climate Change is killing off our Great American Brown Bear!”
“What a Gem!” Thought good old Al to himself.
After he had shuffled his speech papers the proper length of time he cleared his throat and took another drink of water from the glass stationed on the podium.
“Ladies and Germs…”  Waiting for the laughter to die down he continued.
“My friends of Denver, one of our nation’s greatest assets is on the verge of extinction tonight and it is being caused by us Americans driving our gas guzzling American made cars going to places we do not need to go and for things we do not really need. Did the Great American Brown Bear, who are your neighbors and in whose back yard your folks probably built their second homes.” 
“We Americans should be ashamed of ourselves for the destruction of the habitat of this once great wanderer of the Colorado Rocky Mountains; we need to fix what we and our ancestors have done to this mighty icon of America’s strength as seen around the world.”
“House Bill 1542 has not even come to the floor of Congress yet and you may wonder why that is.  What the Hell is the hold up?  We are in the midst of a National Crisis and the Republicans are sitting on their hands and not allowing the bill to come on to the floor for a yea or nay vote.  Do they care more for the votes of the Tea Baggers than for what is right?  We are in a National Crisis tonight ladies and gentlemen!  Each day Congress does not act two more Great American Brown Bears die.”
“Did you see the headlines in the Denver Post this morning?  Mount Etna in Sisely erupted again!  100 million tons of carbon is spewing into the air over Sisely and we do nothing to stop it!   The scientists of the world have proven that man made climate change is causing all sorts of things to happen around the world, volcanoes erupting, Earthquakes, tsunamis, ice bergs a melting killing off the world polar bear population and no one is doing any thing to stop it!”
Stopping for effect, Former Vice President and current Global Climate Change expert took another glass of water and flashed his eyes around the auditorium. 
“Who was that strange looking man in the aisle coming my way?”  He thought to himself?  “Who ever he is, his mother would have done the world a service by aborting the toad looking person.”
As Jon Doe was twenty feet from the podium, he stopped and as he raised his hand to point his stubby little pointer finger at Al Gore.  He was just about to say something as two secret service men ran & knocked him to the floor.  Enraged and screaming at the top of his lungs, Jon Doe tried to kick at the legs of the Secret Service men calling them Nazi Storm Troopers and Government goons. 
With a knee in his back Jon Doe had his face pressed to the floor and he was starting to hyperventilate and was turning bright purple with rage. 
“Wait just a minute guys, let him up I don’t think the poor guy meant any harm I am sure he just has a point to make.” Cautioned Al Gore inventor of the internet.
Picking Jon Doe up while holding his arms behind his back the two secret service men asked him if he could settle down and be calm.
“Calm?  You want that I should be calm?  While that jack ass up there is telling us lies and proving he does not know anything about any wild life or climate change?”
“You are calling me a Jack Ass Sir?  And what exactly have I ever said that can not be backed up by pure science?”
“The Brown Bear is not in any danger of extinction!  You fat headed Nazi!”
“Now I am not only a Nazi but a fat headed Nazi.  I wonder if that is a promotion of some sort.  You claim that the Great American Brown Bear is not in danger of extinction?  What sort of proof do you have?  I have proof from the federal government that says differently.”
“If you Google American Brown Bear you would see that they reside in Canada and Alaska and very few have ever been in the Continental United States and those in Canada and Alaska are doing just fine!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I am sure, you dip shit!”
“Have you talked to anyone else about this situation?”
“No I have not!”  Lied Jon Doe (Sidney Walzenheimer)
“Well, I think you and I need to talk about this issue of miss information provided to me, by my advisers.  Boys, could you take our guest to my dressing room so that he and I can discuss this after I am done with my speech?”
As the two secret service men dragged Jon Doe off to Al Gores dressing room a sense of foreboding came over Jon Doe and he did not think he would be seeing his dear old mother ever again.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Chapter 10 It is all about the poor little bears.

We are only doing this for the little brown bears.
To get the reader up to speed, let us cover the people involved in this sorted tale of greed and lies.  As they say without a program you will not know who just hit a home run.
Sheldon Franks
 BNAPM Under-Under sec.
Ivan Ivanovitch
Russian spy
Russian tour guide/spy
Ronald Hicks (Black)
 Special Agent FBI
FBI Agent
Bobbie Bessel(Blonde)
Sheldon's Sec
Leonard Badowski
BNAPM Upper-Under
DR. Raj Ratatatji
BNAPM scientist
Howard Hackett
komidant Green Kamp
Jon Doe ( Sidney Walzenheimer)
blogger (
Alex Denniston III
Lone Tree A V Inc
Melvin Poindexter
Lone Tree A V Inc
Norton Abernaty
Proj director
Lone Tree A V Inc
Caspar Mendocino
Failure annal tech
Lone Tree A V Inc
Boris Bolokhovskis
Russian spy
Russian tour guide/spy
Elton Weiner
director fin ops
Lone Tree A V Inc
Dan Caplas
US Congressman R
Denver Colorado
Terrie Sewell
US Congressman D
US Congress
Ed Paster
us congressman D
US Congress
Mike Thompsen
us congressman D
US Congress
Anna Escho
us congressman D
US Congress
Robert Sherman
us congressman D
US Congress
Jared Plotis
us congressman D
US Congress
Ed Purlbutter
us congressman D
US Congress
Donald Lipinski
us congressman D
US Congress
Hector Gutierrez
us congressman D
US Congress
Stanley Hoyer
us congressman D
US Congress
John Tunny
us congressman D
US Congress
Some of the US Congressmen (All Democrats) have not shown up in this little yarn I am spinning but eventually they will, because these honorable members of Congress will be adding their two cents worth the legislative action they have named HB 1542 The No Bear left Behind Act.
The mantra of most Government workers is CYA or cover your Ass.  Very few bureaucrats, no matter what the country or what kind of political system it is, will take it upon themselves to never do anything against the accepted protocol.  If a low ranking bureaucrat comes upon a situation that is not covered by their protocol or written directions, they will do nothing and request a higher ranking bureaucrat to make a decision on how to handle the situation.
This line of thinking is also prevalent in the Corporate world in that employees of most large corporations never think “outside the box”.  If you do your hands will be smacked and you will end up not being trusted by those over you. 
While I am at it, here is a little status report of this piece of legislation: 
Bill name
House Bill number
Date of Origin
No Bears Left Behind Act
bill pages
John Tunny
Now that we have all that out of the way let us check with some of our cast of characters and see what is gonna happen today.
January 2, 2012
Leonard Badowski’s office
Basement of the Old Patent Office
Washington DC
Wednesday January 4, 2012
“Where was that dip shit Franks,” Wondered GS-12 Leonard Badowski.  Leonard had summoned GS-7 Sheldon Franks to his office an hour ago.  GS-12 Leonard Badowski was not used to being kept waiting by people so far down the GS chain that they needed step latter to take a crap in the mens room.  
“Mister Franks is here, sir.”  Announced Leonard’s Secretary Bobie
“Send him in.”
“You wanted to see me sir?” asked GS-7 Sheldon Franks
“What is your Russian friend saying these days Franks?”
“The Russians now plan on selling their own devise on the open market.”
“They plan on selling it on the open market?  What do you mean?  
“They plan to sell it to other countries.”
“You mean to say that other Brown Bears are going extinct?”
“They have found a way to use it for other animals that are on the verge of extinction.”
“Who are they planning to sell this technology to?”
The Chinese, with the Panda Bears and New Zealand with the Fairy Tern and the Greater Short Tailed Bat.”  
“How much do they plan on selling the technology for?
“Nothing they plan on sharing what they have with the rest of the world.  It really ought to provide them with lots of public opinion dividends.”
“Public opinion dividends? You can’t get rich doing that crap?  What is their game to make us look bad?”
“It would seem that is the case.”
“Damn Russkie Commies!” Exclaimed GS-12 Leonard Badowski. “When do they plan on finishing up on their tests and start using their gizmo for real?”
“Looks like sometime June 20th of this year.”
GS-12 Leonard Badowski took a sip of his stale coffee and then looked at his calender.
“Six and a half months, you say?  Damn Congress has still not voted on funding this project.”
“But we have picked a company to make the “Bear Paws” sir and the public is all in support and calling their congressmen on a daily basis.”
“Well Franks, if this thing works our as I think it will, you and I may be up for a promotion and a change of offices.”
“Gee sir, I am not in this for any glory or promotion!  I just want to save the Great American Brown Bear!”
“Sure you are.”  Thought GS-12 Leonard Badowski.