Sunday, November 30, 2014

Cats Claws


































                    ********************************************
This is a follow up cartoon from 
the one I posted yesterday. 
 Word of caution, cats do not like
 to play dress up
 and if you do you may want to 
make sure the
 local blood bank has your type blood.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Lookig Mahvelous Dahling.



















                                              ***************************************
This cartoon is serves two purposes: As a homage to one of my all time
 favorite comic actors, Billy Crystal and to re-introduce little Hector.  
Hector Gomez is kind of a mixture of all the funny little boys
 my wife has taught over the years. 
  NO MORE GRUMPY KITTY.
I was informed by my oldest son that using Grumpy Kitty 
for some of my gags  may get me in trouble with the people
 who own Grumpy Cat.  
 As such, I have changed the grumpy minded cat I use,
to the cat we had as a pet for about 20 years
 by the name of "Tinker."  
Other people named the little guy Tinker short for Tinker Bell 
and may account for his personality.  Tinker will show up tomorrow
 and he is basically an alley cat or grey, black and white tiger striped cat 
and he was missing one of his fangs.  I loved that cat and sort of reveled
 in his independence.  In this comic strip Tinker is Hector's pet cat...
See you tomorrow.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Black Friday Survivor























                                                     ******************************
Tips on how to survive Black Friday
  • 1. Designate a leader.

    Democracy
    Black Friday is not up for debate.
     
  • 2. Leave the kids at home.

    D3bwvu7
    They are too young and innocent for Black Friday -- they will only drag you down.
     
  • 3. Psych yourself up beforehand.

    Drive
    Only the most alert shoppers will survive.
     
  • 4. Make sure your vehicle can handle the challenge.

    Lzcsjqy
    If you think holiday shopping is all about being on your feet, think again. You will need to make a smooth getaway if you're going to multiple shopping spots.
     
  • 5. Do whatever it takes to score that prime parking spot.

    Iroubka
    It's park or be parked on out there.
    Image: Reddit Bangaleng
  • 6. Do not give away your location.

    Imfmf
    Never check in on social media. Potential enemies are all around you. Besides, who has time for that when you're fighting off swarms of moms for the last Elsa doll?
     
  • 7. Be wary of the mindless hoards...

    Hoard
    Shoppers out there are still full from Thanksgiving.
     
  • 8. Never take your eyes off your target.

    Target
    You've got a plan -- now stick to it.
     
    9. Always act fast.
  • Phqx0ga
    Get in, get your stuff and get out. Don't be a hero.
     
  • 10. Respect other shoppers.

    Vtd6ozi
    You never know when you'll need an ally.
     
  • 11. Have a buddy.

    2s1duap
    You need to know someone's got your back.
    Image: AMC
  • 12. Don't let the shopping frenzy get out of hand.

    Breakitup
    You're all here to get a good deal.
     
  • 13. Ask other shoppers for tips.

    Watch
    You'd be surprised at how helpful other people can be when confronted with Black Friday peril.
     
  • 14. Take pleasure in all your victories.

    Booyeah
    It's the best part.
     
  • 15. And if you're unsuccessful, don't beat yourself up.

    Shithappens

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy PB&J Day!

                                           ***************************************
Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the good old US of A (America). 
 A date that is supposed to celebrate the first feast in the new world by the 
English Pilgrims with their hosts, some Native Americans
 (Indians or as the Canadians refer to as Aborigines).

  The holiday has changed in tradition over the years to include a foot ball game or two,
the Macy Thanksgiving Day parade in order to bring shoppers into Macys Department stores,
 family reunions and of course lots of food and beer. 
The day after gorging our selves with tons of turkey, mashed potatoes, yams,
 dressing with lots of gravy, veggies, pies, ice cream, cakes, and other fattening stuff, 
we follow up with what they call Black Friday and of course going on yet another diet.

Tomorrow's cartoon will be about Black Friday.
 All the demented things that shoppers do to each other in order to obtain 
the best price on that perfect thing, for that special someone,  for Christmas.  

Of course these days Black Friday is no longer the norm because the retail stores 
are now days open on Thanksgiving day.  But tradition is still important
 and so we still call the day after Thanksgiving Day, Black Friday. 
 All this is of course followed up by Cyber Monday.  
Just because shoppers are now back at work does not mean they can't continue to shop,
 they just do it on the computer where they work and shop on line for that special thing,
 for that special person for Christmas or Hanukkah.

Christmas is of course, 
is followed by returning all those special gift back to the store,
 by that special person who received the gift,
 in order to get the special thing that special person really wanted.  

All this is what 
we call American Tradition.


Wednesday, November 26, 2014

New disguise


**************************************

Blonde in Disguise

Tired of constant blonde jokes, 
a blonde  dyes her hair brown.
 She goes for a drive in the country 
and sees a shepherd herding his sheep
 across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, 
can I keep one?" she asks.
The shepherd agrees. 
She blurts out, "352!"
The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word
 and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly.
 "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd.
 "If I guess your real hair color, 

can I have my dog back?"


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Sanctuary

                                      *******************************************
Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels
—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church.
 The town hall brought in some cats.
But after they tore up all the files,
 the mayor got rid of the predators,
 and soon the squirrels were back.
 The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels
 and set them free outside town. 
But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in.
 Only the church came up with an effective solution.
 They baptized the squirrels and made them members.
 Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.

 

Monday, November 24, 2014

Gags from the car

















The ideas for both these gags came from
 a drive with my wife. During the drive 
to the store we got into a discussion of who wrote
 Animal Farm and she pulls out her smart phone 
and says to it, "Google, Who wrote Animal Farm?
  All of sudden I was thinking, "What if the mean
 old Queen in Snow White had a smart phone
with Google?"
The concept of Occupy Turkey Ranch 
comes from the same discussion, 
What if there was a protest at the Turkey Ranch.
The reason I call it a Turkey Ranch 
is because I am originally from California
and in California there are no farms,
 everything is a ranch.  
One summer when I was about eight or nine,
 I spent a summer on a Watermelon truck farm
 near Hemet, California.  We called it a
 Watermelon Ranch.  Round up and branding on a 
Watermelon Ranch is a sight to behold.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!





















I wonder if kids still "Double Dog Dare"
 their friends to do something stupid.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Yoga.


                           *****************************************************

Friday, November 21, 2014

Odds and Ends

























                                  **************************************************
     Just felt like drawing a couple silly pictures. 
 Not one Social redeeming factor here.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Every Body Into The Showers!

                                              *************************************
When I showed this to my wife she thought the 
subject matter was beyond most people.
 I am not sure myself what I am trying to say
 here but I guess maybe when you go to the store
 to get your Thanksgiving Turkey next week
 just remember that bird was once a living 
creature of God,
 had feelings and maybe even dreams of a good 
and peaceful future.

And will taste just great with lots of gooey gravy, mashed potatoes, dressing, cranberry sauce, lots of veggies and maybe a glass of beer or wine.  

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The Turkey Ranch









 Incognito the Turkey continues his tale of terror and escape from the Turkey Ranch prior to his demise for Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

It was a dark and stormy night...















???????????????????????????????????????????????????
"The heroic New York doctor who caught Ebola 
has been declared Ebola free. 
President Obama called the doctor to thank 
him for his selflessness and compassion. 
Then to be safe, Obama threw his phone in a trash can and lit it on fire." –Jimmy Fallon

  "At the economic summit in China, 
Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with 
the first lady of China. Then again, 
Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries. " 
–Conan O'Brien

 "Once you're president, you can't go 
anywhere without causing trouble.
 President Obama shows up in China, 
he's chewing gum, they go crazy.
 A big stink because the president's chewing gum. 
And you think, the Chinese are so easygoing
 about human rights. What's the problem?" 
–David Letterman

"Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, 
not a problem. Torture, not a problem. 
Chewing gum in China — 
oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum."
–David Letterman

Monday, November 17, 2014

They can hardly wait.

*************************************************
 

  • First, there was that stun gun fight at the Franklin Mills Mall. (Let’s face it. The only two reasons to go to that mall are Off Fifth and Last Call by Neiman Marcus. Tip: You can enter both of these stores from outside entrances, so you never even have to wander into the actual mall. Do this.) [Philly Mag]
  • In cheerier news, a man was cited after tossing $1,000 bills over an upper-floor railing at Minnesota’s Mall of America during a choir’s performance of ‘Let It Snow.’ Now why couldn’t that have happened at Franklin Mills? [ABC News]
  • Some of the craziness happened before shoppers even entered the stores: A Virginia man was stabbed in the arm in a Walmart parking lot over a parking space. [dcist]
  • Apparently, towels are Walmart’s best-selling Black Friday item. Maybe this explains why in Arkansas, a fight broke out in the towel aisle on Friday. [Huffington Post]
Wow, those are pretty good prices, 
may have to go camping at Best Buy.
 

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Poor cold kitty cats





























Will Milo & Moe find happiness and 
security in a home for the winter?  
Check in tomorrow to find out what 
happens when the little kid shows up
 back home with his new kitty cats
 that followed him home.

By the way, there is an eye glasses 
commercial running on television
for the past couple years and rest assured 
I did not make any money from that
 eye glass company. But if they 
feel obligated they are free to 
pay me the going rate.
                                    ******************************************
 "The heroic New York doctor who caught 
Ebola has been declared Ebola free.
President Obama called the doctor to
 thank him for his selflessness and compassion.
 Then to be safe, Obama threw his phone
 in a trash can and lit it on fire." 
–Jimmy Fallon

"People in China criticized President Obama 
for chewing gum while entering the
 economic summit in Beijing. 
They're saying he looked like a rapper. 
Then again, to be fair, in 
China I look like a rapper." 
–Conan O'Brien

"At the economic summit in China, 
Vladimir Putin is being accused 
of flirting with the first lady of China. 
Then again, Putin does have a history 
of not respecting boundaries. "
 –Conan O'Brien

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Cat Speak

















And all he was trying to say was "Good morning to you."
As they say it is not always the words you use but the way you say them. 
Kinda sorta like telling a joke.

********************************************
Two translators on a ship are talking.
"Can you swim?" asks one.
"No" says the other, 
"but I can shout for help in nine languages."
************************* 
Two highway workers were busy working
 at a construction site when a big car
with diplomatic license plates pulled up.
"Parlez-vous fran├žais?"
 the driver asks them. The two
workers just stared.
"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"
 The two continued to stare at him.
"Fala português?" Neither worker said anything.
"Parlate Italiano?" Still no response.
Finally, the man drives off in disgust.
One worker turned to the other and said,
 "Gee, maybe we should learn a
foreign language..."
"What for? That guy knew four of them 
and what good did it do him?"

Friday, November 14, 2014

getting Bi














*****************************************
I wonder, if you are having a sexual encounter with someone who speaks 
a different language from yours, would that be a Bi-sexual event?

Moe ( the fat ratcoon) to Milo.  
Milo, do cats have accents depending on where they come from?
Sure, of course, for example:  Good Morning. 
If a cat is French Canadian, he would say Le-Mew
If the cat is from Mexico he would say El-Meow
If the cat were from New York City he would say...YO! Get out of my face Mother-Effer... Mew.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Someone needs sanctuary
















                                        ********************************************
introducing Incognito the turkey on the lamb,
 looking for some sanctuary and maybe a little love....
I will be featuring him every so often
 between now and the day after Thanksgiving 
when he will be free.

                                            *******************************************
Why did the turkey cross the road? 
To get to the other side (see chicken jokes for more info)

Why do you eat a turkey rather than keep it as a pet? 
Because otherwise it will use fowl language on you.

If pilgrims were alive today, what would they say?
 Do not resuscitate. 

If April shower bring May flowers,
 what do Mayflowers bring? 
Pilgrims and furniture. 

Why don't you let a turkey get near corn?
 Because they will gobble, gobble, gobble it.

What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter? Dead weight. 

What do you call the age of a pilgrim? 
Pilgrimage.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

They come in the night



















                                        ******************************************
"Thank heaven Election Day is over.
 No more campaign ads, no more
 mud-slinging, no more candidates
 pretending they're straight. It's over! "
 –Craig Ferguson

"For the first time in history, 
Congress has 100 women in it.
 Congratulations. Welcome to modern times,
 America. It's great having 100 women in Congress.
 Unless you're in line for the congressional bathroom.
" –Craig Ferguson

"It's fantastic that Congress has an increasing
 number of women. Experts call an increasingly
 female presence in a previously
 male space 'the Bruce Jenner effect.'" 
–Craig Ferguson

"Clay Aiken ran for Congress
 in North Carolina. But he didn't make it. 
Clay Aiken is famous for coming in 
second in a TV popularity contest that most
 people got fed up with years ago. 
He also lost on 'American Idol.' "
–Craig Ferguson

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Grumpy Kitty

               
    One cat says to the other, " Bet you it smacks him in the face."
                       **********************************************************



Monday, November 10, 2014

The Cooler




















                                        ********************************************
The idea for this gag came from the movie BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KWAI...

Interesting Questions, Facts, and Information

    Bridge on the River Kwai, 

    Colonel Saito told Colonel Nicholson that if the bridge was not completed on schedule, he (Saito) would be shamed and have to commit "seppuku", or ritual suicide. What was Nicholson's response to Saito's question of "what would you do if you were me?" 

      "I'd have to kill myself.". "I supposed if I were you, I'd have to kill myself". While Saito stared in disbelief, Nicholson followed that with a raised shot glass and "Cheers." I always loved that line. Saito was adamant that the British officers must work alongside the enlisted men, in defiance of the Geneva Conventions, to which Nicholson was just as adamantly opposed, in accordance with same. Saito was convinced this was why the work was behind schedule.
    During one of the early showdowns between the two opposing commanders (Saito and Nicholson), what was NOT one of the reasons that Colonel Saito, the camp commander, gave for hating the British? 

      They made jokes that were not funny.. Saito just could not get over the fact that Nicholson would not allow his officers to do manual labor, in defiance of the Geneva Conventions. Saito, in accordance with the Japanese warriors code of Bushido, felt that the Geneva Conventions were a "coward's code".
       
       
       Times were way different for the Japanese back in those days.  World War II may have been the last "Gentleman's War".  Back then we actually fought for God and Country and fought other nations most civilized I would think.  Today, we are fighting an idea and nothing more.  How can you fight an idea?

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Yo YO We're Bad.

 
**********************************
"Washington, D.C., voted to legalize 
recreational marijuana. Vice President Joe Biden 
celebrated quietly at home, contemplating the
 infinite nature of the universe."
 –Jimmy Kimmel

"Imagine Washington, D.C. If you thought Congress 
didn't get a lot of work done before, 
just wait until they get legal pot."
 –Jimmy Kimmel