Sunday, June 30, 2013

Huffing and a Puffing


The Three Little Pigs of North Jersey

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.
The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house."
So the stick pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the bricks pigs' house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down."
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up.
The wolf said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared!
But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.
Out step three pigs named Louie, Vito,and Dominic.
These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in the wolf's mouth and fired.
Then they got back into their limo and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!
"Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins from North Jersey--the Guinea Pigs."

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Kilgore Trout Middle School Bad Boys

Teacher: Joey, your behavior is terrible! How many more times am I going to have to keep you in after school?
Joey: 97.
Teacher: 97?
Joey: Yeah. That's how many days are left until the summer vacation.

Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.
Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"
Art teacher: Mimi, I told the class to draw a horse and cart, but you have only drawn a horse!
Mimi: Yes sir, the horse will draw the cart!

Friday, June 28, 2013

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Q: Do you know why blind people don't skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog. 
 What do you call it when your parachute doesn’t open? Jumping to a conclusion.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

eating out

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde female crew member to take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.  Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, 
"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not ones hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Men never learn.
2. Not all Blondes are dumb.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Paying their last respects

One of my favorite gag formulas......Pending doom.
Searching the internet for a whole minute I did find one joke about the fabled elephant grave yard
What do you find in the Elephant Grave Yard?  Elephatoms...


Friday, June 21, 2013

Land Ho!

And there Dewey was, just minding his own business, when some big shot decides to land his big ass boat next to him. 
Darn near scared all the dang nab fish away.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Be aware be very aware......

There is actually a name for the fear of MIMES:    METAMFIEZOMAIOPHOBIA: The fear of mimes, clowns, and people in disguise.  I wonder if that includes plastic or phony people?


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Squirrel Invasion

No matter what you do with your bird feeder, eventually you may as well call it a Squirrel feeder and be done with it.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Watch the Birdie

Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?"                   

The above cartoon was actually my second version.  After I finished the first version I noticed that Dewey was facing the wrong way.
As you can see the first version looks more like an advertisement for a wild bird sanctuary of some kind. 

 Judge: young man, it says here you shot and killed a California Condor. How do you plead? Defendant: Guilty your honor. Judge: GUILTY!? Don't you know how endangered these condors are? There are hardly any left at all. Defendant: Yes sir, I know, but I had to feed my family, we're so poor. Judge: That's no excuse. I fine you 30 days in jail. By the way, what does California Condor taste like? Defendant: It's real good, kinda like a cross between Bald Eagle and Whooping Crane!
Question: What does a 1,000 lb. canary say? Answer: Here kitty, kitty, kitty!  
How do you get down off an elephant? You don't! You get down off a duck. 
See you all tomorrow.  

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day........What ever.

Today in America we sorta kinda celebrate "Father's Day".   I can sort of understand having a special day set aside for everyone's mothers, to sell lots of flowers and chocolate....But what do you give the old man to show you appreciate all the stuff he did for you as a kid?   Flowers?  Nope....Candy? Nope....How about a good bottle of Scotch or maybe take him to a baseball game or just leave him alone?
A few months ago, I introduced a fly fishing character who never said anything.  I never could come up with a good name for him and yesterday my wife mentioned maybe I could name him after my dad...Dewey.  The little guy does not look any thing like my old man but why not?  Later it hit me that today would be Father's Day and what a great coincidence was that?  Funny thing too, was that I was born on his 48th birthday.  So without any further blabbering I present you with my very first Dewey cartoon...

These Dewey cartoons will be sort of like Modern Art in that everyone will come away with a different meaning or caption.
My first thought of this scene was that someone put the blade on backwards or the last time the lawnmower was in the repair shop, they gave it too much juice...or maybe the lawnmower can't take the tall grass and weeds.  In future cartoons, the lawnmower will be back, complete befuddling old Dewey who simply takes in all the weirdness of his life in stride.
Dewey goes through life as an observer of strange things.  It is sort of like he lives on the edge of the Twilight zone and never comments on the strange and wacky things he sees....To Dewey, the everyday normal to him would be really strange to the rest of us.
This is the very first of the Dewey cartoons and many more to come...I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy drawing the silly pictures.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Stretching before din din.

While I continue in my quest to perfect my version of Tarzan as an old guy, here is the local lions to entertain you.
Yesterday I pulled up some Adventures of Old Tarzan cartoons I was doing about a year ago and have decided to go back to that style but now done in color.

The idea of Tarzan as an old guy has kind of fascinated me in a personal way.  When professional athletes get to to old to play the game, lots of them must go through a period of depression.  "They took away my manhood!"  Money is just one reason they play the game and for lots of guys who get paid to play games that young kids play for free the ability to keep telling them self that they still have "It" is I think the prime reason they keep playing on into their 40&50s.  For the rest of us, retirement is but a second chance to start anew.   Tarzan first appeared in the novel Tarzan of the Apes (magazine publication 1912, book publication 1914)....Tarzan will be 102 years old next year...I bet he is feeling a wee bit creeky about now.  In reality when I was doing my comic strip Adventures of Old Tarzan last year, I did not realize at that time it was the 100 anninversary of Tarzan of the Apes...Maybe it was not just a coincidence.....who knows. 
Anyway tomorrow back to Tarzan Spider and Spiderman's biggest fan Cheetah.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

"I'm your biggest fan."

Last year, I was trying out a concept of Tarzan the later years,  Tarzan and Cheetah as old.  All the aches and pains of old age but still trying to keep their youth in tact by still trying to do the same stuff they were doing years ago when they were much younger.  These were all hand drawn on legal size copy paper and then scanned into the computer.  Now flash forward, old Tarzan meets Spiderman.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Clap on Clap off!

Clap on!  Clap off!
Catchy commercial that we never see these days.  Even "God"  thought the idea funny in Bruce Almighty.
Several things have bothered me about the movie portrayal of Tarzan, clean shaven and smelling like a rose.  How does he shave when he has never seen a razer.
I think he would look more like Alley Oop. 

Please note that by clicking on the words Alley Oop you will be connected to a music video of the song Alley of my all time favorite cartoons.
With tomorrow's cartoon of Spiderman and Tarzan, Tarzan will be my version instead of the Disney squeaky clean version.......minus Dino the Dinosaur.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Tarzan meets Spiderman....

This is for my grand son four years old Spiderman's biggest fan.
Just for the fun of it, imagine what it would be like
 if Tarzan and Spiderman combined their swinging ways
 to combat the forces of evil!
For the next week or so let us do just that.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Rerun of old Boob Tube cartoons

 We had an emergency of sorts here in the family and I had to spend the day tending my wife who dislocated her left "giving the bird finger" finger and did not have the time to produce any new cartoon. So I dug up some old stuff from another cartoon strip I was doing about two years ago called "BOOB TUBE".   It was mostly about a small television station that kinda sorta moved on to animals.  These were all in pen & ink on legal size copy paper that was then scanned into the computer.

Tomorrow I will be back with a fresh off the press comic strip.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Swimming wid da fishies

 "Watch that first step it could be a doozie" (Ground Hog Day), or as Bug Bunny would say, "Watch the first step,Doc, it's a lulu."
 The term "Swimming with the fishes." This is a reference to the  movie, The Godfather. The Corleone family (the main mafia family in the film) had a bodyguard named Luca Brasi to protect them. One night, Don Corleone sent Brasi to check up on some of his enemies, and to report back to him after. A few days later, the family gets sent in the mail a fish wrapped in Luca Brasi’s bulletproof vest; a Sicilian message meaning he is “sleeping with the fishes”, after he was strangled to death.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

psychedelic art

 Just for the fun of it this is my version of a psychedelic picture and an exercise in what happens when you change from one color to another.

 A fun project making squiggly lines and color to produce a design.
 Doing research of other similar art I cam across the following on Google images under Psychedelic art, magic mushrooms and pot art.

 This form of art was really big with the laid back stoned music scene years ago.

 Peter Max was probably the most famous of the Pop pot art and did some amazing stuff for the Beatles.
A couple important facts about this art form, the colors have to be so wrong it makes one go blind, and if it has words in the painting and you can still read the words, they are not wild enough.

Above is John, Ringo, George and Paul of the Beatles.

This is an album cover from Jefferson Air Plane.

And this is the cover of the Beatles greatest album  Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.  Not so much of the Psychedelic art but the music was best listened to if one was a wee bit blotto.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Poor little Alice

Some times in our travels through life we ask the wrong person or persons for direction.  Here young Alice is looking for the White Rabbit in Wonderland and she ended up getting directions from an old stoner who thought she was looking for a hit on Heroin the drug.  Grace Slick did a big song back before most people's time called white rabbit and while most people at the time thought it was a simple song about little Alice wondering through Wonderland it was about the fact that the story it's self was full of drug references such as a pill to make you taller or smaller etc etc.  Smaller and larger being uppers and downers. The Stoners or drug users used term White Rabbit to indicate the white powder Heroin.  Of course this was during the time of the "Summer of Love"  when everyone was supposed to drop out and drop in and turn on.  The time of really great music and a true dividing line of the old and new. We were having peace demonstrations and marches and race riots and race marches. 
Time marches on and most of those kids that went out to change the world became part of it and not much really changed. 
By the way I did this cartoon sitting in our camper while camping in the middle of a wind storm and at times it felt like the wind was going to knock over the trailer.  Great fun in "camping".