Chapter 6 Jon Doe American Patriot

Today we meet Jon Doe or as the kids in his neighborhood call him, Mister Toad.  

CHAPTER 6

JON DOE: AMERICAN PATRIOT

DENVER, COLORADO USA

MONDAY DEC. 5, 2011

 Jon Doe, who writes the US Government conspiracy theory blog WHATZA MATTER U, is perplexed. 

At this moment, Jon Doe is sitting in front of his computer terminal in his basement “Command Center”, wearing his ten year old batman t-shirt and blue jeans.  Jon Doe is a 55 year old man who still lives with his elderly mother and works a day job as parking meter cop for the Denver Police Department.  One day he is sure something will happen to him to propel him to the greatness he so richly deserves.  One day he will be discovered!  Why won’t those idiots at Channel 9, KUSA news, in Denver, take him as a serious journalist?  Each week Jon Doe sends that Mark Koebrich, the pompous ass, intelligent international news for them to report, but Koebrich won’t even answer Jon’s Email posts.  What does a person have to do to get noticed and seen for the pure greatness they have in their thoughts and insights?

Jon Doe has a secret crush like a teenage boy for the traffic girl Amelia Earhart but she also never answers his Email correspondences

Jon Doe is a lonely, over weight man and can not understand why no one cares if he lives or dies down here in the basement of his mother’s house. 

“One day the old bitch will die and all this will be mine!” Thinks Jon Doe.

The door to the basement opens emitting light from the upstair kitchen.

“Sidney!  What are you doing down there?  Do you have any idea what time it is, Sidney?  You have to get up early tomorrow to go to school.  Did you get all your home work done, Sidney?”

That would be Jon Doe’s 80 year old mother standing at the top of the basement stairs.  She is feeble and suffering from dementia and depression.  Her name is Gladys Walzenheimer and has been a widow for the past ten years having lost her husband Abner to lung cancer.  The days are long and lonely for the old girl and all she has left in the world that means any thing to her is her little boy, Sidney. Sidney keeps telling his mother that one day soon he will become rich and famous and they will live happily ever after.  “Sidney is such a good boy,” says Gladys to anyone who will listen. 

“Go to bed, Ma!  For God’s sake Ma, I am a grown man and have not been in school for over 35 years!  Leave me alone old woman or I am gonna come up there and help you meet Jesus sooner than you had planned on it happening!”

“Sidney I have no idea what has gotten into you lately, you have become so hateful to me.  One day when I am gone you will feel shame for treating me so hateful!”

“Ah shutup Old Woman and go back to bed!”

Jon Doe’s real name is Sidney Walzenheimer but to the two people who follow his blog he is Jon Doe.

Jon Doe once again glares at the computer screen and then settles back in his chair as he calmly picks his nose in contemplation and reflection.  Pulling his finger out of his nose he stares at the green glob hanging from the end of his finer and then flicks the glob off his finger on to the basement wall.  Damn allergies!

For the past five years Jon Doe has been searching the internet news web sites for something he can pick apart.  For once and for all, Jon Doe will become a house hold name!  Jon is out to prove that the American government is not only corrupt but is out to take every liberty from the true American patriots.

 After reading the latest news from the Associated Press and UPI Jon doe   picks up his coffee cup and takes another long draw.  Boring stuff but what does one expect from news hacks that only cover what their puppet masters tell them to cover and everyone knew that the Lame Street Media was all part of the Democratic Machine.  Everyone knows that the true news comes from independent thinking bloggers like Jon Doe!  In his last blog post hadn’t Jon reported that fact?  He even had proof!!  But did any one care?   Half the news these days seemed to come from celebrity Twitter and facebook rants and the other half seemed to be pure fluff.  Cream puff news is what they have been reporting!  Damn it, there had to be something, something to make the world stand up and take notice!!  One day Jon would…..Hold the presses!  What do we have here?

HB 1542, THE NO BEAR LEFT BEHIND bill.  What in the hell was that? 

Jon Doe is about to commence on a journey through lies and deceit of international proportion.  Will anyone listen to him?  Is Jon Doe the only person in America who can show everyone they are being played for idiots by the evil people who want nothing more than to take all our freedoms away and hand the country over to those Godless Chi-Coms as payment for all the money the idiots in Washington have borrowed from them? 

Stay tuned and find out tomorrow.